I started blogging 10 years ago, right before starting grad school. This blog chronicled 6.5 years of grad school (approximately 13,507 hours of work) and the 3.5 years since officially graduating. During that time, I lost 3 close family members, got married, spent over a year doing field work in Africa, got a dog, had a baby, moved to a new city, and had three different jobs as a PhD. This has been an eventful decade.
For the first few years, I blogged several times per month (or even several times per week). It was an opportunity for me to reflect on my experiences and practice writing. Looking back on many of my early posts in the writing of this, I am struck as much by the things that haven't changed as much as the things that have. I still love Small Friendly College just as much as in 2007 (and the post made me teary again). I see major parts my current self in these older writings. In some cases, I captured events that I see now had outsized importance in shaping my current career, like a workshop on science communication and an interdisciplinary project. There are threads and early hints of the ideas and concepts that are hugely important to my present work, which makes me feel like I'm in the right place now in my career.
In some ways, I don't think I've changed substantially, but I've learned so much about myself in the last 10 years. I've grown. I wrote in 2009 that I needed to be more of a badass. I most definitely am. My moments of greatest badass-ness are probably still finishing my dissertation before my daughter was born, then giving birth to her and going through (and recovering from) serious complications. To finish my dissertation, I toughed it out and kept my eye on the prize with intense focus to the exclusion of everything else non-essential. When recovering from childbirth, I refused to accept my limited mobility and searched and read until I found the right people and resources to help me heal. During grad school, and especially during field work, I became aware of my common mental traps and I'm much better at avoiding them now that I know the signs (like being indecisive). I am nothing if not resourceful, and as my personal networks and knowledge have grown, I have an ever-growing pool of ideas to draw upon. This last year in my new job has especially helped me realize and appreciate the breadth and depth of skills and networks I have, and given me many more ideas for how I can leverage them to do good and awesome things. I, too, can stand on the shoulders of giants—in life as well as in research.
My favorite genre of books is scientist memoirs (e.g. Richard Feynman), especially field biologists (e.g. Jane Goodall and Robert Sapolsky). I love reading about the adventures that happen in the pursuit of science. I love reading about how they live their science-y lives, what their families think, how they raised kids, what went wrong, and how they overcame adversity. Their stories have helped me imagine what my life could be. Blogs by scientists about their lives scratched a similar itch.
Blogging was also a community, and the other women in science bloggers were my mentors. I learned so much from them. I read blogs of more advanced students describing drama in their committees (I learned years later that managing your committee is a classic example of "managing up"). I read about postdocs applying for faculty positions. I read stories of scientists in all career stages struggling with chronic health issues, infertility, and difficult relationships. I was unquestionably better prepared to be a good graduate student and navigate the potential job market afterwards as a result of the science blog community. I'd like to throw some nonspecific thanks out into the universe to the dozens (hundreds?) of bloggers from whom I gleaned wisdom and advice. Thank you!
While blogging during grad school, I accidentally discovered the identities of a few bloggers I followed, and a few people discovered me (one person anonymously and mysteriously tried to "out" me). I made real life friends because of this blog, and it was a way to re-connect with a handful of trusted people that I invited to read it. A few of you are still reading. Thanks for following my sometimes vague and pseudonymized adventures!
I watched, always with sadness, when other bloggers decided to call it quits for one reason or another. More often, they didn't have closure and just stopped writing, or I just stopped reading. Probably kind of like this—I stopped writing so often. In part I blame the declining popularity of RSS and therefore the declining options for good feed readers. Somewhere along the migration from one feed reader to another, I lost track. It has been a long time since I regularly read other people's blogs, so my blogging is overwhelmingly an introspective exercise.
It would probably be fitting, after a decade of blogging as an "aspiring ecologist", to declare this the end. But I imagine I'll still want to blog occasionally, and I'm frankly not motivated enough to set up another blog, so I'll stick with what I've got. Those of you who are friends in real life know where to find me, and if you've been reading this for years and still don't know who I am but want to be friends in real life, drop me a note.
I'm excited about the next 10 years. I've got big ideas that have been simmering for a while now. With the right combination of preparation and luck (there's always luck), it could be awesome. Or, more likely, I'll end up doing something 10 years from now that I can't even imagine at present. Let's see where the next decade goes!
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Happiness
Today has been a fantastic day. I am back at Small Friendly College to give a seminar. This comes at the end of a long string of deadlines in February. The way I've described it is that for the past two weeks I've been working uncomfortably close to the number of hours I work in the field, but without someone to cook and clean for me.
When I offered to give this talk, I imagined it as a great opportunity to talk about Best Project and teach some of the analyses in my presentation so that I'd come out with a more thorough understanding in the process. I'd imagined myself with slides done days in advance, fine-tuning the best way to explain things. So such thing.
Instead, I was still writing my talk on the way here, last night, and this morning. I only practiced the whole thing once. I was very, very nervous as I made the last few changes to my slides 20 minutes before the presentation.
But once I was on, I was on. I got an incredibly complimentary introduction from one of my former professors. He highlighted many of my accomplishments, my tenacity in getting the NSF GRF, and resourcefulness in applying for other funding. He is so proud of me, and it showed. And after that great introduction, I went on to give a fantastic presentation. I made people laugh, I talked about 3 different projects, and I ended with enough time for questions. I could hardly have had a friendlier audience, but my gosh it felt great.
I met with some current students, talked to some newly hired professors, had dinner with some senior professors, and enjoyed walking around campus. Tonight I drank wine and talked with my hosts (a faculty couple) and heard their perspectives on what's going on on campus and in the department. What a great place. I said it before (here, here, here, and here), but I'll say it again- I. Love. SFC.
When I offered to give this talk, I imagined it as a great opportunity to talk about Best Project and teach some of the analyses in my presentation so that I'd come out with a more thorough understanding in the process. I'd imagined myself with slides done days in advance, fine-tuning the best way to explain things. So such thing.
Instead, I was still writing my talk on the way here, last night, and this morning. I only practiced the whole thing once. I was very, very nervous as I made the last few changes to my slides 20 minutes before the presentation.
But once I was on, I was on. I got an incredibly complimentary introduction from one of my former professors. He highlighted many of my accomplishments, my tenacity in getting the NSF GRF, and resourcefulness in applying for other funding. He is so proud of me, and it showed. And after that great introduction, I went on to give a fantastic presentation. I made people laugh, I talked about 3 different projects, and I ended with enough time for questions. I could hardly have had a friendlier audience, but my gosh it felt great.
I met with some current students, talked to some newly hired professors, had dinner with some senior professors, and enjoyed walking around campus. Tonight I drank wine and talked with my hosts (a faculty couple) and heard their perspectives on what's going on on campus and in the department. What a great place. I said it before (here, here, here, and here), but I'll say it again- I. Love. SFC.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Graduation gift ideas
My cousin is graduating from high school and is headed to a fantastic SLAC next year. I am SO excited for her, because her other choice was a big state school. I don't know this cousin very well, but I think we have some common interests (biology at least) and I think college will be a positive and transformative experience for her. She's from a small rural town and her parents are pretty darn conservative (socially and politically). They don't have much money at all, but she's got a full ride to this SLAC.
I'd really like to get her something special for graduation. I remember giving some of my younger friends a small set a drawers full of all kinds of little useful things (paper clips, sticky tack, tape, etc). I could do that for my cousin, but since I do still have some folks reading my blog I thought I'd ask if any of you have awesome ideas for an SLAC-bound high school grad. Did you get any really awesome graduation gifts? What great graduation gifts have you given?
I really hope she loves her SLAC as much as I love SFC. Seriously, my SFC professors sign their emails "Love" (at least to me!). I just got an email today from one of my profs who is leaving shortly for Ukenzagapia :-)
I'd really like to get her something special for graduation. I remember giving some of my younger friends a small set a drawers full of all kinds of little useful things (paper clips, sticky tack, tape, etc). I could do that for my cousin, but since I do still have some folks reading my blog I thought I'd ask if any of you have awesome ideas for an SLAC-bound high school grad. Did you get any really awesome graduation gifts? What great graduation gifts have you given?
I really hope she loves her SLAC as much as I love SFC. Seriously, my SFC professors sign their emails "Love" (at least to me!). I just got an email today from one of my profs who is leaving shortly for Ukenzagapia :-)
Saturday, October 2, 2010
The journey to here
When I was two, I watched ants on our sidewalk.
When I was four, I collected itty bitty snails on our driveway after it rained.
When I was five, I tried to "fish" for my goldfish with a worm I dug up in the backyard.
When I was six, I tried to make a bird's nest- how hard could it be? (it turns out, it's really quite difficult architecture for a six year old).
When I was eight, I fell in love with the local nature center and spent every summer there until I went to college.
When I was nine, I had the most amazing third grade teacher who encouraged my interest in science.
When I was ten, my teacher who let me write a non-fiction book about monarch butterflies instead of a fictional story.
When I was eleven, I started a club with my friends called EcoActors to promote recycling and raise money to conserve rainforest.
When I was twelve, other kids mocked me by calling me "nature girl".
When I was thirteen, I had a great jr. high science teacher.
When I was fourteen, I started the advanced science track in high school.
When I was fifteen and sixteen, I mostly forgot about all that nature stuff. It was mentally on the back burner while I dealt with high school drama.
When I was seventeen, I got a 5 on my AP biology exam.
When I was eighteen, I started college, having chosen my school based on the strength of the biology program (especially in ecology and evolution).
When I was nineteen, I traveled abroad to study biology in a phenomenal location and I was hooked on biology and hooked on traveling.
When I was twenty, I spent a semester in Africa.
When I was twenty-one, I did a summer research internship.
When I was twenty-two, I graduated not knowing exactly what I wanted to do next.
When I was twenty-three, I had a job teaching environmental education and decided to go to grad school.
When I was twenty-four, I quit my job and traveled for a year with my partner, and applied to grad school.
When I was twenty-five, I started grad school.
When I'm thirty-one, I hope to have my Ph.D. and a job I enjoy.
When I was four, I collected itty bitty snails on our driveway after it rained.
When I was five, I tried to "fish" for my goldfish with a worm I dug up in the backyard.
When I was six, I tried to make a bird's nest- how hard could it be? (it turns out, it's really quite difficult architecture for a six year old).
When I was eight, I fell in love with the local nature center and spent every summer there until I went to college.
When I was nine, I had the most amazing third grade teacher who encouraged my interest in science.
When I was ten, my teacher who let me write a non-fiction book about monarch butterflies instead of a fictional story.
When I was eleven, I started a club with my friends called EcoActors to promote recycling and raise money to conserve rainforest.
When I was twelve, other kids mocked me by calling me "nature girl".
When I was thirteen, I had a great jr. high science teacher.
When I was fourteen, I started the advanced science track in high school.
When I was fifteen and sixteen, I mostly forgot about all that nature stuff. It was mentally on the back burner while I dealt with high school drama.
When I was seventeen, I got a 5 on my AP biology exam.
When I was eighteen, I started college, having chosen my school based on the strength of the biology program (especially in ecology and evolution).
When I was nineteen, I traveled abroad to study biology in a phenomenal location and I was hooked on biology and hooked on traveling.
When I was twenty, I spent a semester in Africa.
When I was twenty-one, I did a summer research internship.
When I was twenty-two, I graduated not knowing exactly what I wanted to do next.
When I was twenty-three, I had a job teaching environmental education and decided to go to grad school.
When I was twenty-four, I quit my job and traveled for a year with my partner, and applied to grad school.
When I was twenty-five, I started grad school.
When I'm thirty-one, I hope to have my Ph.D. and a job I enjoy.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Making connections
Small Friendly College has a program in Ukenzagapia right now, led by one of my professors whom I know well. I've been trying for weeks now to figure out when I can see them, as our paths will unfortunately only cross briefly while I'm here in the city. I finally got a response and it looks like I'll get to have dinner with them tomorrow! I might also tag along for some of their other activities, depending on my schedule.
While standing in line at customs upon arrival, I met a woman who is leading a group of Canadian students and we exchanged cards* and a brief conversation. I just got an email from her, and she wants me to come talk to her students about my research. I'm not sure what exactly she wants me to talk about, but I think this is her first program to Ukenzagapia and maybe she's struggling a bit to fill the schedule!
The other day I was at a government office getting one of my permits, and an Ukenzagpian who I met briefly in Nyota recognized me and asked me to pass a message on to someone I know in Nyota. Somehow, that little encounter really makes me feel connected here. I'm knowing people all over the place!
*This means I remembered to bring my cheap grad student business cards, and I've already handed out two!
While standing in line at customs upon arrival, I met a woman who is leading a group of Canadian students and we exchanged cards* and a brief conversation. I just got an email from her, and she wants me to come talk to her students about my research. I'm not sure what exactly she wants me to talk about, but I think this is her first program to Ukenzagapia and maybe she's struggling a bit to fill the schedule!
The other day I was at a government office getting one of my permits, and an Ukenzagpian who I met briefly in Nyota recognized me and asked me to pass a message on to someone I know in Nyota. Somehow, that little encounter really makes me feel connected here. I'm knowing people all over the place!
*This means I remembered to bring my cheap grad student business cards, and I've already handed out two!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Teaching at a SLAC
I decided to go to grad school so that I could become a professor at a small liberal arts college (SLAC) like the place where I spent my formative years (affectionately known here as Small Friendly College). As I have progressed through grad school, I have become less sure that this is what I want to do. There are a handful of conversations I've had that stand out and that sway me one way or another.
While Jon and I were traveling in Remote Foreign Country in the year before I started grad school, we had the great fortune to cross paths with one of my favorite college professors, my mentor who wrote my letters of recommendation. He mentioned to me that he was retiring. I was saddened to hear this news, but in the conversation that followed I could see he was truly burnt out from decades of teaching at SFC with all of the mentoring responsibilities that don't cease even when students graduate. The fact that he was great at his job created greater demand for him as an advisor and professor. As a student, I didn't realize the extent of professors' responsibilities or recognize how the closeness of student/faculty interactions at a small college could be draining. Do I want a job with so many face-time demands?
Fast forward 2 years. Herb and I were discussing mentor's upcoming retirement. Herb, who was the college roommate and thus personally knows my SFC mentor (see explanation here), remarked that he has no interest in retiring anytime soon. He attributes mentor's desire to retire early to the different professorial lifestyle and expectations at SLACs. More food for thought. Is being a SLAC professor potentially more exhausting than a professor at a big research university?
Another year goes by. I returned to SFC and had a great conversation with a friend who is teaching there this year. I was explaining my concerns about teaching at a place like SFC because I don't want to get burnt out like my mentor was. She, as a visiting assistant professor, now has an insider's perspective on departmental expectations. SFC has a fantastic tenure-track assistant professor who is teaching great classes, mentoring students, and doing great research with undergrads. She is also working her butt off, staying late, and everyone can see that. What is the department's response? You're doing awesome work, but we're concerned that your pace is unsustainable. We recommend that you work less and make time for your family and yourself in order to prevent yourself from burning out. This was refreshing to hear, and it really makes a lot of sense for a department to send this message to someone who they would very much like to keep around but are concerned will work themselves to a point of departure. Might I be so fortunate as to end up in a place like SFC where the department's advice to a fantastic tenue candidate is work less?
I haven't ruled out jobs at SLACs, but I'm also interested in jobs with conservation NGOs or maybe a government position. Maybe I could even cut it at a mid-sized research university with some grad students. I still don't know. Thankfully, I don't have to yet, but I do keep mulling over it because I do want to make sure I have adequately prepared myself for the job I want.
**Note: I just polished a post I wrote last month, and it was posted under last month's date so I'm including a link here for those of you who would otherwise miss it.
While Jon and I were traveling in Remote Foreign Country in the year before I started grad school, we had the great fortune to cross paths with one of my favorite college professors, my mentor who wrote my letters of recommendation. He mentioned to me that he was retiring. I was saddened to hear this news, but in the conversation that followed I could see he was truly burnt out from decades of teaching at SFC with all of the mentoring responsibilities that don't cease even when students graduate. The fact that he was great at his job created greater demand for him as an advisor and professor. As a student, I didn't realize the extent of professors' responsibilities or recognize how the closeness of student/faculty interactions at a small college could be draining. Do I want a job with so many face-time demands?
Fast forward 2 years. Herb and I were discussing mentor's upcoming retirement. Herb, who was the college roommate and thus personally knows my SFC mentor (see explanation here), remarked that he has no interest in retiring anytime soon. He attributes mentor's desire to retire early to the different professorial lifestyle and expectations at SLACs. More food for thought. Is being a SLAC professor potentially more exhausting than a professor at a big research university?
Another year goes by. I returned to SFC and had a great conversation with a friend who is teaching there this year. I was explaining my concerns about teaching at a place like SFC because I don't want to get burnt out like my mentor was. She, as a visiting assistant professor, now has an insider's perspective on departmental expectations. SFC has a fantastic tenure-track assistant professor who is teaching great classes, mentoring students, and doing great research with undergrads. She is also working her butt off, staying late, and everyone can see that. What is the department's response? You're doing awesome work, but we're concerned that your pace is unsustainable. We recommend that you work less and make time for your family and yourself in order to prevent yourself from burning out. This was refreshing to hear, and it really makes a lot of sense for a department to send this message to someone who they would very much like to keep around but are concerned will work themselves to a point of departure. Might I be so fortunate as to end up in a place like SFC where the department's advice to a fantastic tenue candidate is work less?
I haven't ruled out jobs at SLACs, but I'm also interested in jobs with conservation NGOs or maybe a government position. Maybe I could even cut it at a mid-sized research university with some grad students. I still don't know. Thankfully, I don't have to yet, but I do keep mulling over it because I do want to make sure I have adequately prepared myself for the job I want.
**Note: I just polished a post I wrote last month, and it was posted under last month's date so I'm including a link here for those of you who would otherwise miss it.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
College: a reflection on time and place
It's a funny thing, time. I've been out of college now longer than I was in. I just spent the last week at SFC in a Wilderness First Responder course with current SFC students. The faces and names have changed, but in many ways the students haven't. They're still talking about the same SFC things as when I was a student.
I love coming back to campus, because in so many ways it just feels natural. It feels like home when I walk across campus. But it is somehow bittersweet for me to return. I love the memories- I love recalling the people and events that helped shape me. But, I am reminded that that time has passed. I can tell I'm older. Several years older. Part of me is sad that I'm not a SFC student anymore. The stories from my time at SFC are like ancient history to the current students. Time marches on.
I've done so much since I graduated. Really! Far more than I did when I was a student! I've been to three new continents and back to Africa (three times!). I'm halfway through my Ph.D. I'm married. I've had jobs, owned cars, moved several times, and lost three loved ones. But since SFC is where I feel like the modern me started, it feels like my roots. It feels like the place to return to, to pay homage to.
One year after I graduated, I wrote:
I love coming back to campus, because in so many ways it just feels natural. It feels like home when I walk across campus. But it is somehow bittersweet for me to return. I love the memories- I love recalling the people and events that helped shape me. But, I am reminded that that time has passed. I can tell I'm older. Several years older. Part of me is sad that I'm not a SFC student anymore. The stories from my time at SFC are like ancient history to the current students. Time marches on.
I've done so much since I graduated. Really! Far more than I did when I was a student! I've been to three new continents and back to Africa (three times!). I'm halfway through my Ph.D. I'm married. I've had jobs, owned cars, moved several times, and lost three loved ones. But since SFC is where I feel like the modern me started, it feels like my roots. It feels like the place to return to, to pay homage to.
One year after I graduated, I wrote:
Somehow, in four years I managed to bond myself and part of my identity to the physical SFC. SFC is an inextricable part of who I am. It brought so much love, peace, and happiness into my life. My time there has given me the strength and skills to go beyond, but I can't fully escape the longing to be there again.Maybe it is bittersweet because I know that even if I went back there to teach, it won't ever be home again like it was as a student. That time and stage has passed, and with melancholy I accept it.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Most of the way home
I'm safely back in the U.S. (in case anyone out there was worried by my blog silence). I got home last week, and then left again! I went to my cousin's graduation, visited my parents, and am spending the week at Small Friendly College for a Wilderness First Responder course. Here's hoping I can get some work done too.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Maybe I should've been a librarian
I've noticed this academic year that I really enjoy connecting people with the tools, tips, and tricks to help them do research, writing, and collaboration more efficiently. I love telling people about Papers and Mendeley, both programs for managing pdfs and notes associated with journal articles. I love explaining why everyone should use a reference manager like Zotero or EndNote (or others) to cite-while-you-write and make bibliographies. I love showing people how to use wikis to facilitate group writing projects. I love sitting around and trading Mac tips and program suggestions. I love helping other grad students design their own web pages. It strikes me that these are the types of things academic librarians do these days (or at least they should).
As a result of my undergraduate experience, I greatly appreciate well-run libraries and the librarians that make them work. I received library education in several different classes, where students learned how to use the different resources available to them such as web design programs and scholarly databases. I recall that the SFC library is well-respected (albeit small, since the school is too), but I didn't appreciate what a good library was until I graduated. After graduation, Jon and I lived in a town with a public library that must have had one of the worst online catalogs in the country. Seriously, I have no idea how it could be so bad. But I digress...
I have been tossing around thoughts on some of the queries I made for myself back in November. So far the only blogworthy thing that has come out of it is my enjoyment of connecting people with research tools. I don't really know what to make of that in terms of my career choices now, but maybe I should have considered being a librarian.
As a result of my undergraduate experience, I greatly appreciate well-run libraries and the librarians that make them work. I received library education in several different classes, where students learned how to use the different resources available to them such as web design programs and scholarly databases. I recall that the SFC library is well-respected (albeit small, since the school is too), but I didn't appreciate what a good library was until I graduated. After graduation, Jon and I lived in a town with a public library that must have had one of the worst online catalogs in the country. Seriously, I have no idea how it could be so bad. But I digress...
I have been tossing around thoughts on some of the queries I made for myself back in November. So far the only blogworthy thing that has come out of it is my enjoyment of connecting people with research tools. I don't really know what to make of that in terms of my career choices now, but maybe I should have considered being a librarian.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2009 in review
I've always enjoyed sitting down at the end of a calendar year and reflecting on what the passing year brought and what the new year may bring. This has been an unforgettable year.
The trend of events in 2009 was very similar to 2008- the beginning of the year brought tragedies but then many wonderful things happened. I am thankful that there have been many uplifting events this year to thwart despair. If I had to pick a theme for 2009, it would be self-context. I didn't go into 2009 expecting to find new revelations about my work habits and hurdles in the field, nor could I have possibly imagined the tremendous losses in my family and my personal struggles accompanying their deaths. I have been seeing a great therapist this fall to help me unravel the interconnected themes of sisterhood, family, death, regret, religion, self-esteem, loss, health, and communication. I have come to see my strengths and weaknesses in a much deeper context of past experiences and family dynamics, and I think these realizations (and so many others) will help me overcome personal and professional challenges.
Here's a brief recap of 2009:
January- Jon and I went to Obama's inauguration and I prepared for prelims.
February- My grandmother passed away after a difficult surgery, followed immediately, independently, and unexpectedly by my younger sister's death the next day due to pulmonary thrombosis resulting from misdiagnosed blood clots. That pretty much says it all. February was the worst month of my life.
March- I passed my prelims!
April- I received the graduate research fellowship, and Jon and I got married!
May- I went to Ukenzagapia for my first real field season.
June- Jon came to visit me in Ukenzagapia.
August- I returned from Ukenzagapia.
October- I went to a conference, we visited family in Canada, saw tons of friends who came into town for my best friend's wedding, and went back to Small Friendly College.
November & December- Pretty uneventful but traveled a lot and saw lots of family at the holidays.
Since self-context wasn't exactly on my list of goals for 2009, I'd like to address some of the ones that were.
Academic goals:
1) Prelims! DONE!
2) Finally publish the damn review paper. NOPE. Maybe 2010...
3) Collect and analyze data from my first field season. I got the 'collect' part done but not the analysis.
4) Get the friggin' NSF Graduate Research Fellowship. DONE! Thank God!
5) Continue to seek opportunities to communicate my research to non-scientists. Not really. I did a poor job of this in 2009. I need to think strategically about how to do this in 2010.
Even though I wasn't able to get that review sent out for publication or analyze my data, I am feeling pretty good about my progress. I didn't teach at all this year but did write letters of recommendation for a fantastic former student and it has been a joy to see her interest in research develop, even though it is an entirely different field of biology. I have a project underway in Ukenzagapia and several possibilities for doable projects in the field over the next two years. I submitted a big grant (still waiting to hear) and got a fellowship and two other small grants to fund my research. I am about one day of work away from submitting a short note based on observations from my first field season, which will be my first publication from grad school. I'm finished with all of the classes I have to take, and mostly finished with my interdisciplinary group project. Soon I'll return to Ukenzagapia for my next field season. Not bad.
Personal goals:
1) Exercise regularly and frequently. Could've been worse. I did well in the spring, burned a lot of calories in the field, but not this past fall. I can do better.
2) Contribute to my IRA. Pretty good. Not as much as I'd like, but we do contribute a fixed percent of Jon's income now now which I like.
3) Make monthly contributions to Small Friendly College and small monthly donations to public radio. DONE! This makes me happy.
4) Get some of the kids in our lives (cousins, nieces, nephews) to visit us in Big City. DONE! Hopefully we'll have more kid visitors in 2010.
5) Go dancing at least once per month. NOPE. Not even close.
6) Foster more discussion on this blog. Not really, but my readership has grown steadily (if slowly).
So much has happened in my personal life this year! Since I already mentioned the difficult things above, I'm not going to talk more about those here. 2009 was a fantastic year for seeing friends and family. According to our guest book, we had 51 different people stay at our apartment on at least 125 different nights (a month of that was while Jon was in Ukenzagapia), including two different grad students and a family of three who were subletters at different times. Not only did we get friends and family to come see us in Big City, we traveled a lot this year (especially for weddings- including our own). Married life for us has so far been very much like our unmarried life, which is to say that it's great :-)
I'm thankful that we didn't move this year. For the first time in 10 years, neither of us moved a significant portion of our belongings! That does mean that we have acquired a fair amount of stuff we don't need that we need to creatively rid ourselves of in January. When I'm actually in Big City, I have greatly enjoyed taking care of my houseplants, container gardening outside on our balcony, working in the community garden, cooking the fruits of my labor, entertaining friends and family, and deciding how to incorporate new art (like our marriage certificate) and furniture that Jon builds into our apartment. We love where we live and hope that we don't have to move again until we leave Big City when I finish my Ph.D.
I love blogging, and have found the blog to be a great way for me to process and share my life experiences. Thank you to all of my readers for sharing in it.
Happy New Year!
The trend of events in 2009 was very similar to 2008- the beginning of the year brought tragedies but then many wonderful things happened. I am thankful that there have been many uplifting events this year to thwart despair. If I had to pick a theme for 2009, it would be self-context. I didn't go into 2009 expecting to find new revelations about my work habits and hurdles in the field, nor could I have possibly imagined the tremendous losses in my family and my personal struggles accompanying their deaths. I have been seeing a great therapist this fall to help me unravel the interconnected themes of sisterhood, family, death, regret, religion, self-esteem, loss, health, and communication. I have come to see my strengths and weaknesses in a much deeper context of past experiences and family dynamics, and I think these realizations (and so many others) will help me overcome personal and professional challenges.
Here's a brief recap of 2009:
January- Jon and I went to Obama's inauguration and I prepared for prelims.
February- My grandmother passed away after a difficult surgery, followed immediately, independently, and unexpectedly by my younger sister's death the next day due to pulmonary thrombosis resulting from misdiagnosed blood clots. That pretty much says it all. February was the worst month of my life.
March- I passed my prelims!
April- I received the graduate research fellowship, and Jon and I got married!
May- I went to Ukenzagapia for my first real field season.
June- Jon came to visit me in Ukenzagapia.
August- I returned from Ukenzagapia.
October- I went to a conference, we visited family in Canada, saw tons of friends who came into town for my best friend's wedding, and went back to Small Friendly College.
November & December- Pretty uneventful but traveled a lot and saw lots of family at the holidays.
Since self-context wasn't exactly on my list of goals for 2009, I'd like to address some of the ones that were.
Academic goals:
1) Prelims! DONE!
2) Finally publish the damn review paper. NOPE. Maybe 2010...
3) Collect and analyze data from my first field season. I got the 'collect' part done but not the analysis.
4) Get the friggin' NSF Graduate Research Fellowship. DONE! Thank God!
5) Continue to seek opportunities to communicate my research to non-scientists. Not really. I did a poor job of this in 2009. I need to think strategically about how to do this in 2010.
Even though I wasn't able to get that review sent out for publication or analyze my data, I am feeling pretty good about my progress. I didn't teach at all this year but did write letters of recommendation for a fantastic former student and it has been a joy to see her interest in research develop, even though it is an entirely different field of biology. I have a project underway in Ukenzagapia and several possibilities for doable projects in the field over the next two years. I submitted a big grant (still waiting to hear) and got a fellowship and two other small grants to fund my research. I am about one day of work away from submitting a short note based on observations from my first field season, which will be my first publication from grad school. I'm finished with all of the classes I have to take, and mostly finished with my interdisciplinary group project. Soon I'll return to Ukenzagapia for my next field season. Not bad.
Personal goals:
1) Exercise regularly and frequently. Could've been worse. I did well in the spring, burned a lot of calories in the field, but not this past fall. I can do better.
2) Contribute to my IRA. Pretty good. Not as much as I'd like, but we do contribute a fixed percent of Jon's income now now which I like.
3) Make monthly contributions to Small Friendly College and small monthly donations to public radio. DONE! This makes me happy.
4) Get some of the kids in our lives (cousins, nieces, nephews) to visit us in Big City. DONE! Hopefully we'll have more kid visitors in 2010.
5) Go dancing at least once per month. NOPE. Not even close.
6) Foster more discussion on this blog. Not really, but my readership has grown steadily (if slowly).
So much has happened in my personal life this year! Since I already mentioned the difficult things above, I'm not going to talk more about those here. 2009 was a fantastic year for seeing friends and family. According to our guest book, we had 51 different people stay at our apartment on at least 125 different nights (a month of that was while Jon was in Ukenzagapia), including two different grad students and a family of three who were subletters at different times. Not only did we get friends and family to come see us in Big City, we traveled a lot this year (especially for weddings- including our own). Married life for us has so far been very much like our unmarried life, which is to say that it's great :-)
I'm thankful that we didn't move this year. For the first time in 10 years, neither of us moved a significant portion of our belongings! That does mean that we have acquired a fair amount of stuff we don't need that we need to creatively rid ourselves of in January. When I'm actually in Big City, I have greatly enjoyed taking care of my houseplants, container gardening outside on our balcony, working in the community garden, cooking the fruits of my labor, entertaining friends and family, and deciding how to incorporate new art (like our marriage certificate) and furniture that Jon builds into our apartment. We love where we live and hope that we don't have to move again until we leave Big City when I finish my Ph.D.
I love blogging, and have found the blog to be a great way for me to process and share my life experiences. Thank you to all of my readers for sharing in it.
Happy New Year!
Monday, November 2, 2009
ma'am
This is the first year that I've been back to Small Friendly College and realized that I look older than the students. They looked obviously younger than me.
This suspicion was confirmed when a SFC student called me ma'am. It's one thing for a high schooler bagging your groceries to call you ma'am, but it's an entirely different thing for a SFC student to call you ma'am. I was one of them! Obviously I've moved from the "student" category to the "ma'am" category. It makes me feel old.
This suspicion was confirmed when a SFC student called me ma'am. It's one thing for a high schooler bagging your groceries to call you ma'am, but it's an entirely different thing for a SFC student to call you ma'am. I was one of them! Obviously I've moved from the "student" category to the "ma'am" category. It makes me feel old.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
A dream
As I was waking up this morning had a dream about packing. In my dream I was in an odd combination of Ukenzagapia and SFC. I'd been happily hanging out with friends and thinking about leaving when I realized that most people were alreadly packed and waiting to get on a bus to the airport. I ran upstairs to my apartment (which in my dream was kind of like our apartment in Big City) and started packing. I had so much stuff! I had no idea how I was going to fit it in my luggage. I started going through drawers and cupboards and sorting out the things that I really neededt to take, things that came with the apartment, and things I didn't need. I was stressed out about missing my flight. I looked out the window and realized that most of my friends were gone because the bus had come. A few people like me were hastily trying to get everything together.
I looked at the new shoes I'd acquired since I arrived, shoes that belonged to my friend, shoes that I had no idea where they came from, and had to decide what to bring. I looked at bedding. And books. And I wondered where they all came from and how I was ever going to pack my bags under the airline limit or even make it to the airport in time.
Meanwhile, I was also running up and down stairs from the apartment to pay my bills for the lunch I'd just had and for rent. I thought to call a taxi to take me to the airport so that I could finsih packing and sorting on the way there, but my Ukenzagapia taxi driver Violet was out of the country because in my dream she got an opportunity to work in the UK. Scratch that plan.
I've written before about the kind of packer I am. I like to have things generally organized and carefully chosen. It is not my nature to just throw things in a box or bag and worry about it on the other end unless I'm packing stuff for less than a week. I am a slow packer.
Having to hastily sort through my things in my dream made me anxious, but it also forced me to make some hard choices about some things to leave. I decided not to panic about it and pack as quickly as I could but also not stress about missing the plane. I decided I'd figure it out if I missed it and that I'd get on the next plane. I needed to hurry, but not to panic.
At about that point I don't remember more because I sort of woke myself up when I realized it was just a dream.
I looked at the new shoes I'd acquired since I arrived, shoes that belonged to my friend, shoes that I had no idea where they came from, and had to decide what to bring. I looked at bedding. And books. And I wondered where they all came from and how I was ever going to pack my bags under the airline limit or even make it to the airport in time.
Meanwhile, I was also running up and down stairs from the apartment to pay my bills for the lunch I'd just had and for rent. I thought to call a taxi to take me to the airport so that I could finsih packing and sorting on the way there, but my Ukenzagapia taxi driver Violet was out of the country because in my dream she got an opportunity to work in the UK. Scratch that plan.
I've written before about the kind of packer I am. I like to have things generally organized and carefully chosen. It is not my nature to just throw things in a box or bag and worry about it on the other end unless I'm packing stuff for less than a week. I am a slow packer.
Having to hastily sort through my things in my dream made me anxious, but it also forced me to make some hard choices about some things to leave. I decided not to panic about it and pack as quickly as I could but also not stress about missing the plane. I decided I'd figure it out if I missed it and that I'd get on the next plane. I needed to hurry, but not to panic.
At about that point I don't remember more because I sort of woke myself up when I realized it was just a dream.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Would you like your dream job?
I came to grad school with the goal of teaching and leading foreign study programs at a liberal arts school like the one I attended. I'm visiting Small Friendly College this weekend and just had a meeting with one of my professors. She suggested I co-lead a program to Ukenzagapia in 2011! This is so exciting! It sounds like they'll open applications for the position sometime in the next few months.
I also talked to her about meeting up with her students when she's there next year. If the timing works out, she wants to bring the students to Nyota for some kind of field project. What could I do with them that would provide useful data for my project? Or any project? What would I do with a whole semester of students in Ukenzagapia?
Is this what I want to do when I finish my Ph.D.? Doing it before I finish might be a great way to find out. How would this affect my research? How does it fit with my goals? Wait, what are my goals?
I've got a lot to think about.
I also talked to her about meeting up with her students when she's there next year. If the timing works out, she wants to bring the students to Nyota for some kind of field project. What could I do with them that would provide useful data for my project? Or any project? What would I do with a whole semester of students in Ukenzagapia?
Is this what I want to do when I finish my Ph.D.? Doing it before I finish might be a great way to find out. How would this affect my research? How does it fit with my goals? Wait, what are my goals?
I've got a lot to think about.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Visitors & traveling
October is going to be a busy month. Here's my laundry list of things keeping me on the go:
We've got a student from Neotropical Country staying with us until early November. She works with Herb at Neotropical Field Site.
Tomorrow Jon and I are going to Canada with my parents. It's a vacation, but I'm planning to get a few highly productive hours of work in each day. I've identified two reasonable projects that I can accomplish while I'm gone (small grant proposal and draft of a short note).
When we return, I have 24 hours before I leave for a conference.
The weekend after the conference, my best friend is getting married and a bunch of our college friends are coming into town. Three are staying with us, in addition to the visiting student.
Oh yeah, somewhere in there we're getting two cats for a year from our friends who are taking off on a big year-long travel adventure.
Then we're going to Small Friendly College for the weekend. It's my cousin's senior year there and I can't wait to see her.
And then October will be over before I know it.
We've got a student from Neotropical Country staying with us until early November. She works with Herb at Neotropical Field Site.
Tomorrow Jon and I are going to Canada with my parents. It's a vacation, but I'm planning to get a few highly productive hours of work in each day. I've identified two reasonable projects that I can accomplish while I'm gone (small grant proposal and draft of a short note).
When we return, I have 24 hours before I leave for a conference.
The weekend after the conference, my best friend is getting married and a bunch of our college friends are coming into town. Three are staying with us, in addition to the visiting student.
Oh yeah, somewhere in there we're getting two cats for a year from our friends who are taking off on a big year-long travel adventure.
Then we're going to Small Friendly College for the weekend. It's my cousin's senior year there and I can't wait to see her.
And then October will be over before I know it.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
one day more
All week I've been kicking myself for choosing my Friday departure. I really wish I had picked Sunday or even Saturday for my departure because of two events that I'm missing. One is an event that the rest of my interdisciplinary cohort is participating in, and the other is a SFC alumni event about Ukenzagapia.
I knew about both of these events well before booking my tickets, but I was concerned about letting these "less important" events delay my field work. In hindsight, two days is not a big deal and I think I'm missing out on some important networking by missing these events. In the case of the first event, my cohort is going to get up to speed on the methods for our project while I'm flying around and sitting in airports.
The SFC event is important for a different reason. In short, the reason I came to grad school was so that I could some day lead foreign study programs as a professor at some other Small Friendly College. I need to make my potential availability as a program assistant for SFC known, and this event would've been the perfect opportunity for that. I thought it would be lame to delay my departure by a day so that I could go to an event about Ukenzagapia, but that was silly.
Really though, there's no use crying over spilt milk and I'm trying hard not to fret about the things that are beyond my control to change (or not worth the $250 change fee). And besides, at the time of writing I'm already halfway there.
Monday, January 26, 2009
soooooo slooooooooooooooow
I've been working slowly but steadily all day on my prelim proposal. Part of what has made my progress so slow today is hunting down the right references for specific little facts. I tend not to do this very efficiently. An hour later, I'll have 8 tabs open and have added at least 6 pdfs to my 'collection.' I think I seriously spent 2 hours today reading about my field site while trying to find the proper reference for the average annual rainfall. Then I spent another hour looking for a specific reference about my critters. Why do these little things take me so long? Does anyone else have this problem?
I'm still going to be here for a while tonight. And I have to go swimming. Gotta practice my form and my tediously slow and exhausting swimming.
Someone from SFC called me today asking for donations. I've given money to them every year since graduation and encouraged all of my friends to do the same, but I decided that this year I should give them at least as much money as I give to public radio so I'm donating $10 per month.
In other random news that most of you don't give a crap about, four different SFC grads that I know have posted to Ecolog in the past few weeks (Ecolog is the listserv for the Ecological Society of America). That's way up from the typical occurrence of zero. One of them is a guy that I dated for a minute. I think he had more girlfriends during college than anyone else I know. Maybe it's because he also smelled better than anyone I've ever met (Jon knows, we've talked about this).
Ok, back to work. I know I still need to post those photos from the Natural History Museum in DC. Maybe I'll get to those later tonight.
I'm still going to be here for a while tonight. And I have to go swimming. Gotta practice my form and my tediously slow and exhausting swimming.
Someone from SFC called me today asking for donations. I've given money to them every year since graduation and encouraged all of my friends to do the same, but I decided that this year I should give them at least as much money as I give to public radio so I'm donating $10 per month.
In other random news that most of you don't give a crap about, four different SFC grads that I know have posted to Ecolog in the past few weeks (Ecolog is the listserv for the Ecological Society of America). That's way up from the typical occurrence of zero. One of them is a guy that I dated for a minute. I think he had more girlfriends during college than anyone else I know. Maybe it's because he also smelled better than anyone I've ever met (Jon knows, we've talked about this).
Ok, back to work. I know I still need to post those photos from the Natural History Museum in DC. Maybe I'll get to those later tonight.
Monday, October 20, 2008
wanting memories
We got back yesterday evening completely exhausted, but we had an awesome time at SFC. I only saw Herb twice in passing! I'll hear his take on it tomorrow.
I had a wonderful time hanging out with my cousin, her friends, and some of my college girlfriends. We're all still trying to figure out where our lives are going to some extent and how so it was good to talk about that.
Other highlights:
(Later this week I'll try to post some photos after I get my new computer!)
**Note: Photos added on November 10, 2008**
This is how we felt at the end of the weekend.
This is a beautiful shot of the clouds before sunset.
I had a wonderful time hanging out with my cousin, her friends, and some of my college girlfriends. We're all still trying to figure out where our lives are going to some extent and how so it was good to talk about that.
Other highlights:
- a really big bonfire
- hearing the my cousin finally feels like she fits in and that she's really happy there
- seeing an awesome concert
- going on a trail ride with my friend
- watching the alumni win against the students
- talking to friends who are going to RFC! We get to relive our travels vicariously through them.
- catching up with some of my favorite professors
- swapping stories about 70 mph species identification, picking up roadkill, and airplane travel with unusual, um, specimens.
(Later this week I'll try to post some photos after I get my new computer!)
**Note: Photos added on November 10, 2008**
This is how we felt at the end of the weekend.
This is a beautiful shot of the clouds before sunset.Thursday, October 16, 2008
back where it all began
Tomorrow we're leaving for Small Friendly College, so I probably won't be blogging again until at least Monday unless I find myself with an exceptional amount of down time. I'm looking forward to seeing friends and my cousin who currently goes there. Oddly enough, Herb will also be there. You see, Herb and I share the unlikely experience of having attended the same Small Friendly College, albeit some decades apart. I had no idea he went to SFC when I first contacted him when I was applying to grad school.
Jon and I met at SFC, and it's a very special place for me because I think it profoundly shaped my direction in life. I'm looking forward to seeing many of my professors and friends and catching up on what they've been doing. It should be a good time.
Note to other bloggers: My RSS feeds all just reset for some unknown reason so now it says I have 1,327 unread feeds (the real number is more like 80). Either way, I obviously read too many blog and I'm behind so I'm probably behind on your blog too.
Jon and I met at SFC, and it's a very special place for me because I think it profoundly shaped my direction in life. I'm looking forward to seeing many of my professors and friends and catching up on what they've been doing. It should be a good time.
Note to other bloggers: My RSS feeds all just reset for some unknown reason so now it says I have 1,327 unread feeds (the real number is more like 80). Either way, I obviously read too many blog and I'm behind so I'm probably behind on your blog too.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Small Liberal Arts College Professors
Today I went to a seminar by guest professors and students from two SLACs (Small Liberal Arts Colleges) about their unique course structure. UBC is trying something different this year so they're looking for help from other institutions. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to go to the seminar because of this paper that's due tomorrow, but I'm glad I decided to go. It reminded me why I came to grad school.
You see, SLAC professors like these simply exude a love of teaching and interacting with students. They emphasized time and time again over the hour that they love their course structure because it allows them to get to know their students personally and engage with the material in greater depth. I came to grad school to become a SLAC professor. As an undergrad at SFC, I loved the sense of community and the closeness among my peers and professors. I would love to be in that kind of community again.
But, I haven't even been here a year yet and I find myself discouraged by the lack of encouragement and support for grad students to improve their teaching skills. This is part of the larger effect of being at a large research university that really only gives lip service to teaching instead of truly rewarding and encouraging it. I find myself falling into the same pattern as everyone else of caring more about my research than my teaching. I just don't have any role models here of the kind of professor I want to be. Chip is an amazing teacher and I definitely have a lot to learn from him, and I don't mean to say that there aren't great teachers here- there are. I suppose it's just not possible to have the same closeness of teachers and students here compared to at SFC. But really I'm frustrated that no one seems to care if I become a better teacher or not.
You see, SLAC professors like these simply exude a love of teaching and interacting with students. They emphasized time and time again over the hour that they love their course structure because it allows them to get to know their students personally and engage with the material in greater depth. I came to grad school to become a SLAC professor. As an undergrad at SFC, I loved the sense of community and the closeness among my peers and professors. I would love to be in that kind of community again.
But, I haven't even been here a year yet and I find myself discouraged by the lack of encouragement and support for grad students to improve their teaching skills. This is part of the larger effect of being at a large research university that really only gives lip service to teaching instead of truly rewarding and encouraging it. I find myself falling into the same pattern as everyone else of caring more about my research than my teaching. I just don't have any role models here of the kind of professor I want to be. Chip is an amazing teacher and I definitely have a lot to learn from him, and I don't mean to say that there aren't great teachers here- there are. I suppose it's just not possible to have the same closeness of teachers and students here compared to at SFC. But really I'm frustrated that no one seems to care if I become a better teacher or not.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
No work weekend
This weekend one of my friends from Small Friendly College came to visit on short notice (she called on Wednesday). I didn't have huge plans for working like I did the past two weekends (eg. here), but if she hadn't been here I probably would've spent most of today doing various academic things. I'm really glad that she visited because we had a great time, especially last night when two other SFC friends came over. I love my SFC friends- they're all doing such interesting things and it's fun to catch up on the latest gossip of our classmates' adventures. I also find it fascinating to see how the SFC-effect has played out in our lives. But I digress.
I haven't done any work this weekend. We were out on the town yesterday afternoon exploring Big City, had four people over for dinner last night and ate and drank until 2:30 am, slept in late today, and went to Big Natural History Museum this afternoon (where we randomly ran into another SFC classmate- it's a small world). My friend left at 4:30, and I stopped at the grocery for some food and pharmacy to get passport photos taken on the way home. Then Jon and I watched Sicko (and most of the extras), and now here I am posting to my blog. I might read an article for Herb's class in bed, or perhaps I'll start a new book I got on Bookmooch.
Do I feel bad about not working this weekend? Not really. I know it's not worth fretting over. I spent too many years of my life in high school and college (mostly HS, really) being stressed out about work instead of actually working. Besides, I have few scheduled events on Mondays. But, it does mean that I have quite a bit to accomplish tomorrow. Such as:
-work on a mathematical model for Chip before our Monday afternoon meeting
-yet another grant (this is F) that is due on Friday
-read articles for Herb's class
-read for lab meeting
-renew my passport (arg, this might get its own post soon)
-come up with teaching evaluation questions to get feedback from my students about my teaching
-create a broad outline of my Ph.D. so that I can acquire the necessary permits for my field work this summer (I probably should've had this done last Friday)
Eek. Tomorrow is going to be busy.
I haven't done any work this weekend. We were out on the town yesterday afternoon exploring Big City, had four people over for dinner last night and ate and drank until 2:30 am, slept in late today, and went to Big Natural History Museum this afternoon (where we randomly ran into another SFC classmate- it's a small world). My friend left at 4:30, and I stopped at the grocery for some food and pharmacy to get passport photos taken on the way home. Then Jon and I watched Sicko (and most of the extras), and now here I am posting to my blog. I might read an article for Herb's class in bed, or perhaps I'll start a new book I got on Bookmooch.
Do I feel bad about not working this weekend? Not really. I know it's not worth fretting over. I spent too many years of my life in high school and college (mostly HS, really) being stressed out about work instead of actually working. Besides, I have few scheduled events on Mondays. But, it does mean that I have quite a bit to accomplish tomorrow. Such as:
-work on a mathematical model for Chip before our Monday afternoon meeting
-yet another grant (this is F) that is due on Friday
-read articles for Herb's class
-read for lab meeting
-renew my passport (arg, this might get its own post soon)
-come up with teaching evaluation questions to get feedback from my students about my teaching
-create a broad outline of my Ph.D. so that I can acquire the necessary permits for my field work this summer (I probably should've had this done last Friday)
Eek. Tomorrow is going to be busy.
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