I had two video interviews in early March, but didn't make it to the next round for either. That was a bummer, but it's the kind of thing that I may be able to apply for in the future when I have more experience under my belt (presumably!). Still, I feel like I failed in the interviews and in hindsight have regrets about how I answered some of the questions.
Those rejections made me feel like my last hope for a career in science was wrapped up in a proposal I submitted to further develop my database project from my PhD. I put a ton of effort into that application right after we moved to Hometown. I told Jon that I'd start thinking seriously about what to do outside of academia if I didn't get that fellowship. I told Dana (my part-time-postdoc PI) that I felt like it would be the end of my career in science if I didn't get it. In that same conversation, she told me the good news that she has more money in the grant to pay me for at least another 3 months full time after the 3 months of part time. At least there's that while I keep looking for something more permanent.
Guess what? I didn't get the fellowship. I wasn't expecting to hear anything until next week, so I was caught off guard and unprepared. I was going to have some beer on hand to drown my sorrows or celebrate. Instead, I was nursing my daughter when I got the email, and I just sobbed and cried. A form letter rejection telling me about all the great applications, hard decisions, and the "don't let this discourage you" crap. I'm going to email them asking for more specific feedback and hopefully that will be useful.
It's hard not to take it personally. It's really hard not to feel like 'science' doesn't 'want' me. It's also hard for me to continue to be positive, because honestly I feel pretty bitter and snarky. I must be doing something wrong, because how can it be taking me this long to find a job? I need a job, preferably with permanence (>1 year) and benefits. We really need the money, and I need it for my self-esteem. I don't even care if it's not science as long as it pays well and I feel useful. I've got to get out of this terrible mental space.
Showing posts with label post-phd unemployment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label post-phd unemployment. Show all posts
Monday, April 7, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
The challenges of being officeless
As someone who is still kind of drifting as an under-employed (but not unemployed!) PhD, I really, really miss having an office. There are two distinct but related problems to not having an office in my circumstances. Problem 1: working. Problem 2: pumping.
I am the kind of person who enjoys working away from home because it helps keep me focused on work. There are too many distractions at home-- even before Adele was born! I did write quite a bit of my dissertation in our guest bed in the final stretch last year, but even that was mostly on the evenings and weekends, or when I really needed to avoid people at the office. I still spent most weekdays at the office. In the fall I spent less time at my office because I was trying to work more at home because of Adele. It was easier to work with her around when she was less mobile. Even when Jon is watching her, it's hard for me to not be distracted by her if I work at home.
I've never been much of a coffee shop worker myself, but I have to say that I've started to appreciate the appeal now as a parent. Somewhere I can go for a time out of the house is great! But I need more than just a couple of hours here and there to focus on the big stuff.
So why don't I just hole up somewhere for the entire day? This brings me to the pumping. Last time I checked, Starbucks didn't have a lactation room. If I'm gone more than a few hours, I have to pump. I need an outlet somewhere private that isn't a bathroom. Ideally I need access to a sink, too. I have to bring the pump with me while I'm working, and without an office, I need to bring my computer with me while I pump. It's all very cumbersome and annoying.
In order to be out of the house all day and work, I have been researching the lactation rooms at local institutions (thank you for putting info about your lactation rooms online!) and strategizing where I can sit and work in that same building in between pumping. This hasn't been very easy. The places I've found to work aren't very quiet. Or I can't get online as a guest at the institution.
As a graduate student, I was really lucky and mostly had an office to myself. I technically shared it, but with people who never really used it. This meant that I could almost always pump there uninterrupted. It was wonderfully convenient! I just left my pump there and carried a little cooler back and forth with the milk.
Today I went to a seminar at a place I might as well call Hometown U. HU has designated lactation rooms which I've used before, but they are not in or near the seminar building. I decided I wouldn't bother trying to work there and leave the pump at home because of the hassle.
While at the seminar, I remembered that a postdoc had mentioned when I was there last week that she had a baby. Today, I asked how old her baby was (1 month younger than Adele!). I asked if she was pumping. (yes!). I asked where. She took me straight across the hall to an unused lab space of a new faculty member who was letting her pump there. She had her pump all set up. Then she took me to the kind and understanding faculty member whose lab space it was, and he promptly gave me a key to the room. All I had to do was ask the right person! Now I have a space where I can work and pump on days when I'm at HU.
A desk in a secure room and a private place to pump might just help bridge this gap and keep me in science.
I am the kind of person who enjoys working away from home because it helps keep me focused on work. There are too many distractions at home-- even before Adele was born! I did write quite a bit of my dissertation in our guest bed in the final stretch last year, but even that was mostly on the evenings and weekends, or when I really needed to avoid people at the office. I still spent most weekdays at the office. In the fall I spent less time at my office because I was trying to work more at home because of Adele. It was easier to work with her around when she was less mobile. Even when Jon is watching her, it's hard for me to not be distracted by her if I work at home.
I've never been much of a coffee shop worker myself, but I have to say that I've started to appreciate the appeal now as a parent. Somewhere I can go for a time out of the house is great! But I need more than just a couple of hours here and there to focus on the big stuff.
So why don't I just hole up somewhere for the entire day? This brings me to the pumping. Last time I checked, Starbucks didn't have a lactation room. If I'm gone more than a few hours, I have to pump. I need an outlet somewhere private that isn't a bathroom. Ideally I need access to a sink, too. I have to bring the pump with me while I'm working, and without an office, I need to bring my computer with me while I pump. It's all very cumbersome and annoying.
In order to be out of the house all day and work, I have been researching the lactation rooms at local institutions (thank you for putting info about your lactation rooms online!) and strategizing where I can sit and work in that same building in between pumping. This hasn't been very easy. The places I've found to work aren't very quiet. Or I can't get online as a guest at the institution.
As a graduate student, I was really lucky and mostly had an office to myself. I technically shared it, but with people who never really used it. This meant that I could almost always pump there uninterrupted. It was wonderfully convenient! I just left my pump there and carried a little cooler back and forth with the milk.
Today I went to a seminar at a place I might as well call Hometown U. HU has designated lactation rooms which I've used before, but they are not in or near the seminar building. I decided I wouldn't bother trying to work there and leave the pump at home because of the hassle.
While at the seminar, I remembered that a postdoc had mentioned when I was there last week that she had a baby. Today, I asked how old her baby was (1 month younger than Adele!). I asked if she was pumping. (yes!). I asked where. She took me straight across the hall to an unused lab space of a new faculty member who was letting her pump there. She had her pump all set up. Then she took me to the kind and understanding faculty member whose lab space it was, and he promptly gave me a key to the room. All I had to do was ask the right person! Now I have a space where I can work and pump on days when I'm at HU.
A desk in a secure room and a private place to pump might just help bridge this gap and keep me in science.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
My luckiest day
The short version: I walked into a seminar, ran into someone I met at a conference 2 years ago, talked to her for an hour about what I've been doing, and walked out with a job. Part time, temporary work, but I will have a MENTOR and TITLE and a PAYCHECK! I am overjoyed!
The long version:
Two years ago, I attended a small conference, mostly because of its location and the opportunity to see friends and family. I went on a field trip and spent a few hours in a van with a woman who was working on a similar type of database project and has been supporting herself on soft money (i.e. grants) since she finished her PhD. She said it have her the flexibility to work part-time when her kids were young and I appreciated hearing about her research and experience. Even better, she was at an institution near Jon's hometown, so I made a special note to contact her in the future.
I emailed her in November, saying we were probably moving to Hometown and might she be able to meet with me to talk about my project and funding ideas. I never heard back, and hadn't yet tried to follow up with her further over email. I went to a few seminars at her institution, but didn't see her. Until this week.
She walked in right behind me, and recognized me but couldn't place me at first. I told her I'd recently finished, moved to Hometown to be near family, was looking for work, have a 9 month old child, and told her more about my database project and the applications I have pending. After seminar, she said, "I've been feeling like I need some help on some of my projects and it sounds like you might have just the right skill set. Let's talk more about your experience and availability."
I showed her what I've done. I told her many of my pending applications have start dates still months away even if I do get an offer.
She said not many PhDs have the particular background of mine that she needs.
She said she loves to help other moms in science because she knows how hard it is.
She said she also moved into her parents' basement without a job when she finished her PhD.
She said she can't hire full-time or long-term, but what about half-time for 3 months?
She said welcome to the lab.
I could hardly contain my tears of happiness and immense sense of relief after the meeting. I'll have a paycheck, desk space, affiliation, and another line on my CV. I'll be working with someone who does things I'm interested in, but she has more experience and can mentor me. I will still have time to work on my own projects & applications, and flexibility in terms of when I work. What a day!
The long version:
Two years ago, I attended a small conference, mostly because of its location and the opportunity to see friends and family. I went on a field trip and spent a few hours in a van with a woman who was working on a similar type of database project and has been supporting herself on soft money (i.e. grants) since she finished her PhD. She said it have her the flexibility to work part-time when her kids were young and I appreciated hearing about her research and experience. Even better, she was at an institution near Jon's hometown, so I made a special note to contact her in the future.
I emailed her in November, saying we were probably moving to Hometown and might she be able to meet with me to talk about my project and funding ideas. I never heard back, and hadn't yet tried to follow up with her further over email. I went to a few seminars at her institution, but didn't see her. Until this week.
She walked in right behind me, and recognized me but couldn't place me at first. I told her I'd recently finished, moved to Hometown to be near family, was looking for work, have a 9 month old child, and told her more about my database project and the applications I have pending. After seminar, she said, "I've been feeling like I need some help on some of my projects and it sounds like you might have just the right skill set. Let's talk more about your experience and availability."
I showed her what I've done. I told her many of my pending applications have start dates still months away even if I do get an offer.
She said not many PhDs have the particular background of mine that she needs.
She said she loves to help other moms in science because she knows how hard it is.
She said she also moved into her parents' basement without a job when she finished her PhD.
She said she can't hire full-time or long-term, but what about half-time for 3 months?
She said welcome to the lab.
I could hardly contain my tears of happiness and immense sense of relief after the meeting. I'll have a paycheck, desk space, affiliation, and another line on my CV. I'll be working with someone who does things I'm interested in, but she has more experience and can mentor me. I will still have time to work on my own projects & applications, and flexibility in terms of when I work. What a day!
Friday, February 7, 2014
I really needed a win
Over the last 15 months, I've applied for 21 different jobs, postdocs, fellowships, internships, or consultancies. I spent considerable time on each application, and was highly selective about what I applied for so I, for the most part, only applied for things I thought I had a good chance at. I had an interview in April, an interview in July, and it's been nothing but crickets and rejections for the last 6 months. To say that is discouraging hardly does it justice. All week I have been thinking to myself, I need a win. I need something positive in this job search, and I need it soon before I spiral downwards in a self-fulfilling prophesy of failure.
I got it. In the past day, I received the exciting news that I will be interviewed for two different positions! Furthermore, one of these is something I thought I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting. They are going to interview me! This application was due at the same time as another, in which I invested much more time. This application was mostly an afterthought, and I was very close to not applying at all. If it hadn't required letters from Herb and Sam that were already sent, I would not have bothered. Boy am I glad I did! I am practically in tears with relief.
Even if I don't get offer from these, the good news could not have come at a better time.
I got it. In the past day, I received the exciting news that I will be interviewed for two different positions! Furthermore, one of these is something I thought I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting. They are going to interview me! This application was due at the same time as another, in which I invested much more time. This application was mostly an afterthought, and I was very close to not applying at all. If it hadn't required letters from Herb and Sam that were already sent, I would not have bothered. Boy am I glad I did! I am practically in tears with relief.
Even if I don't get offer from these, the good news could not have come at a better time.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Tell me your triumph-over-career-adversity stories
Recently I became friends on Facebook with another woman I know from science. She did fieldwork in Nyota too, but before I was there. She's a postdoc a few years ahead of me in her career with several publications and she had a child since I last saw her. While catching up over Facebook, she said, "we have a very nice life here, low cost of living etc. Good luck on the job search, I never went, so my career is over. My husband has a good job here, so I guess that is it." She did interview for a tenure-track position, but she was pregnant at the time and said it didn't go well.
I am all for supporting women in their career decisions, but it is discouraging when those decisions are more like resignations.
As I sit here trying to write emails to people I want to network with while my daughter cries because she isn't going down easy for this nap, my husband is away for 2 weeks because we really need his income, and I just got another rejection letter, I need to hear some good things. I really, really, really need to hear some success stories instead of more news about how hard it is for women in science.
Please, tell me stories about people who have been unemployed after graduation and then found a satisfying job (academic or not). Tell me about someone who bounced back after a major health setback. Tell me about a new parent who took some time off at a transition point in their career and went on to do great things. Please tell me about the person who graduated without a job and didn't end up as a perpetual adjunct. Tell me how you made it work.
I need to hear encouraging stories, and I doubt I'm the only one. Please share!
I am all for supporting women in their career decisions, but it is discouraging when those decisions are more like resignations.
As I sit here trying to write emails to people I want to network with while my daughter cries because she isn't going down easy for this nap, my husband is away for 2 weeks because we really need his income, and I just got another rejection letter, I need to hear some good things. I really, really, really need to hear some success stories instead of more news about how hard it is for women in science.
Please, tell me stories about people who have been unemployed after graduation and then found a satisfying job (academic or not). Tell me about someone who bounced back after a major health setback. Tell me about a new parent who took some time off at a transition point in their career and went on to do great things. Please tell me about the person who graduated without a job and didn't end up as a perpetual adjunct. Tell me how you made it work.
I need to hear encouraging stories, and I doubt I'm the only one. Please share!
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Titles and Affiliations (untitled and unaffiliated!)
Right now, I am title-less and institution-less. I'm unemployed, but hoping to bag a research postdoc. I have several questions that I would love for you, dear readers, to weigh in on.
EDIT (1/26/14): I want to clarify that these questions (revised) all pertain to courtesy appointments, not actual paid postdocs. I know how to search for and apply for actual jobs and postdocs, which is my first choice! But in the meantime...
1. How important is it for me to have an institutional affiliation, even if it's just an unpaid title? Will being institution-less hurt my job prospects? Will it make me look like some kind of academic leper?
2. Where should I try to affiliate? I'm sure I could get a courtesy title at my graduate institution, but we no longer live there. Would it be better to be at an institution here?
3. What types of titles do people in this position (i.e. unemployed/volunteer postdoc) usually have? Of the possibilities, which are better?
Finally, if anyone has been in this position, I'd love to hear encouraging stories of how you made it work and landed somewhere with a paycheck.
EDIT (1/26/14): I want to clarify that these questions (revised) all pertain to courtesy appointments, not actual paid postdocs. I know how to search for and apply for actual jobs and postdocs, which is my first choice! But in the meantime...
Finally, if anyone has been in this position, I'd love to hear encouraging stories of how you made it work and landed somewhere with a paycheck.
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