Goodbye, 2025

 What a wet fart of a year. It was a hard year for my work and an even harder year for the world.

Even if no one else reads this, I enjoy reflecting on my year. 

Checking my predictions

There was the potential for a lot of changes for our family in 2025, but (amazingly) the changes were actually quite modest. Adele is at the middle school we'd hoped would work out, Jon stayed in his job, I stayed at mine, and we aren't seriously thinking about moving after all. 

We did make the sad decision to put down our dear old dog, which I thought we might have to do in 2024 so she made it longer than we thought she would. Now we're doing some long-term dog sitting for two charming littermates. 

I did do a lot more cooking in 2025. We're in a pretty good routine now where Jon does the meal planning and shopping, I cook, and Adele cleans (with Jon's help as needed).

As far as the wider world goes, I think it's even worse than most of us feared. The first time around, bureaucracy did its job of making radical change hard. This time, they just broke the system. LinkedIn became the most depressing social media with all the people in my network who lost jobs and grants. I continue to give thanks for our combination of luck and privilege that has insulated us from the greatest consequences. 

Work

This year was a wild, awful ride. We had all kinds of internal dysfunction and conflict that ultimately led to unprecedented turnover — and that was just one of the problems. Personally, I felt that my team was being asked to solely carry a burden that shouldn't have been ours alone, and this caused months of conflict with my boss. 

For the first time, I felt deeply burned out to the extent that I thought I need to think about finding a different job. Even in 2022 and 2023 when I was seriously stressed out and working incredibly hard, I didn't have this thought. I even fantasized about having some temporary but serious-enough medical condition to take me out of commission for a few weeks. 

According to my timekeeping and including work travel, I worked approximately 2590 hours in 2025. This is a horrifying 49.8 hours per week for all 52 weeks of the year. I did not take a real vacation. I took a few days off here and there, but I typically compensated by working more on other days. This is clearly unhealthy and unsustainable.

Thankfully, I lead an incredible little team that was a beacon of stability and hope. I hired two new people this year, and we did fabulous work together in the midst of a tumultuous and sometimes hostile environment. I have grown as a leader, and I'm still getting used to being more of a systems architect of the work than a doer of it. 

Despite the long hours and deep struggles, I am ending the year feeling less burned out than I was this summer/fall, and optimistic about 2026. I hope that we can learn from this year's mistakes to make different ones in 2026 instead of repeating the same ones. 

Self care

Despite all of the stress and burnout this year, there were some key things I did for myself that really helped me get through the hard times this year. I worked with a leadership coach for most of the year, in addition to my therapist. Sometimes I was frustrated by slow progress with the coach, but her emphasis on the emotional aspects of work did help me get unstuck sometimes. I was grateful to have external support from two different sources to make it through the most difficult patches. 

I also maintained my weekly commitment to dancing whenever I could. Since restarting in 2024, dancing has continued to be an important physical and psychological outlet for me. There were only a couple of times that I skipped it due to exhaustion or work when I otherwise could have gone.

Even with all the crazy work hours and some insomnia-inducing conflicts, I am overall sleeping better and a little more on average than in 2024. I have gotten better at recognizing when "anxiety brain" is waking me up and calming it down so I can go back to sleep. I've taken many naps. And I've enjoyed many excellent movies, TV shows, and games with Jon and Adele. 

I've managed to stay quite healthy. I did quite a bit of travel again this year (12 trips), and didn't get sick from any of it. The only time I got sick was in January when Adele and I both got what we think was the flu from a neighbor kid who was hanging out at our house. We had to postpone a visit to my parents, and I barely got well enough for a work trip, but I managed to keep my germs to myself by masking. We all got Novavax boosters in October and I continue to use Covixyl and/or masking in most higher risk circumstances. 

Family & Friends

My biggest personal accomplishment this year was a breakthrough on a complicated family situation that I had largely ignored for several years out of fear. Although I can't go into details, I can share that it's going better than I could have dared to hope. Aside from that, there weren't really any remarkable family events or changes. We did a couple of long weekend trips with my parents. 

A college friend and her two cats came to live with us for a few months after a rough split with her longtime partner. It was fun to have another friend around, and nice to have a third adult helping with chores for a while. We're really glad that we could help her find her feet after the breakup.

Checking my goals

I did manage to do some decluttering, but much remains. One particularly impactful thing I decluttered was my houseplants. Since I have so many of them in my office space, it makes a big difference to not feel overrun by them. 

I didn't come close to my unbloggable hobby goals, cleaning the pantry, or asking for yard help. 

I did a short solo trip, but I ended up working for much of it since it was near the height of my summer stress and misery. Still, the change of scene was nice, and I did an amazing solo hike where I encountered bears! 

The state of the world

I can't possibly say anything profound about *wave hands and gesture wildly* all this. I have really focused this year on staying sane by having a positive impact through my work and chipping in other small ways as I can. I can't do it all. It's not all mine to carry, but I'm doing my part.

I look forward to writing about 2026 tomorrow. Now, I'm going to close my computer and spend time with people I love. Goodbye, 2025!

Hopes and goals for 2025

Predictions

This year feels like it could have bigger changes than we've seen in years. We know Adele will start middle school next year, though we don't know where. She might end up at a school nearby that we think will be an easy transition, but maybe not.  

After many great years at a job he loves, there are changes on the horizon at Jon's work that make it pretty likely he'll look for a new job this year. 

And after years of assuming we'd never want to leave this city or even this house, the idea of moving nearby has taken hold as a longer-term possibility. This year, it might mean prioritizing some work on the house with an eye towards what might help it sell down the road and starting to get a sense of the local market. I doubt we'd actually move this year.

We don't have many family trips on the calendar this year like we did at the beginning of last year, but we will visit my parents at the end of the month. I hope my work travel isn't quite as concentrated as last year, but I do have... (counting)... probably at least nine work trips. Oof. 

I plan to do a lot more cooking in 2025. Jon and I were both pretty miserable about cooking last year, so my Christmas gift to him was 3 months of taking care of dinner. I hope that this commitment will inspire me to try new things and get out of the food rut we've been in for months. We'll see what happens after those first 3 months!

Hopes

I want to keep up monthly hikes with Adele. We're working towards her being able to hike a particularly difficult trail. I also plan to keep hiking monthly with the dynamic group of women who have been my mentors for a decade now. I've had to play a bigger role in that hiking group now which I don't mind.

I expect to grow as a manager/boss this year. I'll be adding at least two new people to my direct team and a peer colleague. I'm excited about turning over direct responsibility for more of the the things I've been holding down for years, but I know that will be an adjustment. 

I should probably advocate for another title change, but I might just keep putting it on the back burner out of... fear? cowardice? I'm not sure what I'm so afraid of. 

Speaking of fears, I have a complicated family issue that I've put on the back burner for years but I've asked my therapist to hold me accountable to make progress on it. I've been seeing the same therapist since 2023 which has especially helped me deal with work stress and grief about my sister's death in 2009.  

For my health, I plan to keep tracking my sleep and trying to understand what circumstances disrupt my sleep. I don't want to feel so much stress in my body, which means being proactive in anticipating and mitigating stress.

I want to do another solo trip at some point. I did weekend trips in 2022 and 2023, and in 2024 I did a longer retreat-type trip without family but with many other women. 

I want to keep dancing regularly this year. It feels so good to use my body when I spend so much time with mostly my brain.

I've still never tested positive for covid, and I'm still hoping to keep it that way. After Thanksgiving, I had a cough for about a week that I suspect was walking pneumonia from a kid who coughed in my face. I've had a few "off" days here and there, but I am thankful to generally avoid illness, especially considering my intense travel schedule. I'm unashamed and undeterred to sometimes be the only person wearing a mask in a space when I feel it's a small price to pay to minimize my risk of feeling miserable. 

Goals

I have an unbloggable hobby goal again this year that I'll call completion and assistance (hopefully I'll remember what those mean). 

I have a few monthly goals in mind, and I hope the first one in particular will help set me up well for the rest of the year. 

January: Less of what doesn't bring joy

I want less physical stuff and fewer distractions in my life. This month, I really want to declutter my physical spaces, my inbox, and my attention. I already took the first big step: I archived all the emails in my personal and work inboxes. I haven't done this in a few years. As I get more comfortable with the idea that there are more requests for my time than I could humanly fulfill, I feel less bad about dropping some balls and letting go of those emails I really meant to respond to but haven't. If it's truly important, it will resurface, or I'll go looking for it. Now, as new things come in, I'll have just a few things to decide about at any given time. 

February: Clean out the pantry

Since I'll be doing more cooking this year, February seems like a good time to make plans for using up all the odd foods we've accumulated in the pantry and freezer, or get rid of them. 

March: Ask for yard help

One way or another, I need some help with the yard. March is a good time to make a plan for that, and I don't think I'll be traveling a whole lot in March. 

For the wider world, I'm weary and wary of our choice of leader. I want to do my best to stay focused and energized about what good I'm trying to do in the world, and support the good work of others. I remember that we have to bend the arc of history towards justice--it's not going to bend itself, and it's not going to do it overnight. For me, this means making some conscious choices about the causes I prioritize and letting go of guilt about not doing more on other fronts. I can't play all the parts.

Let's see how wrong I am in a year ;-) 

Happy New Year!

Looking back on 2022

I started the year with a dark outlook on the world. Here's what I wrote in January but never posted because it felt too dark and I didn't know where to go from there: 

 I'm feeling less inspired to write this than I usually am. The world just feels so... dark. For most of my life, I've thought I was looking back on history from a better place, where there are still so many problems but objectively more peaceful and prosperous than the previous 100 years.

Now I don't feel such optimism about our current state or path ahead. I'm afraid that we're well on a trajectory towards measurably worse lives: lower life expectancy, more trauma, greater inequality. These last 5 years have been traumatizing for so many people in so many ways—illness, displacement, discrimination, disasters. 

The Russian invasion of Ukraine in late February epitomized that darkness. I feel like I was right, and the name for this is sentinel intelligence. 

But I am mentally in a better place because I've let go of the expectation that we are on this inevitable upward trajectory. Clearly, I can't take that for granted. 

It can be easy for me to get overwhelmed by the world (it's like my default state of being). I'm the kind of person who wants to do so much, to help so much. But overcommitting and trying to boil the ocean leads me to be both unhappy and ineffective. So, in the last couple of years I've gotten better at at least asking myself what is the most important thing that I need to do? It means letting go of a lot of things and being more realistic and gracious with myself about what is possible for one human to hold.

So with that macro-reflection on 2022, here's the micro-reflection on my most immediate sphere of influence.

Home & Gardening

The big thing since I wrote my goals in early February was finishing the kitchen, which was already 80% done. By the end of February, we got it to about 95% and did the last finishing touches in time to host Christmas with Jon's family. We're loving it! 

The basement renovation has some issues and the contractor is going to revisit them in January.

Unfortunately, I did not get my garden motivation back this year and it has mostly been a wreck that I feel guilty about. 

Family

We did several small family trips and a big one. I saw all of my cousins this year for the first time in ages. Adele got to use her passport for the first time! We hosted a great Christmas meal. 

Adele is 9 now, in 4th grade, and so much fun. What a great little person. 

Unfortunately, one of my aunts passed away. An old family friend who was close with my sister also died from pulmonary embolisms, like my sister did. Both sad events.

Covid

After avoiding it for 2 years, it made it to our household. First Jon got it in the spring. A friend came over feeling a little under the weather but not thinking much of it. Adele and I didn't hang out with him, but Jon spent the whole evening playing a game with him and 2 other friends. The next day, the friend tested positive and thankfully told everyone. Jon was definitely going to get it. Thankfully, he started isolating in our room, we ran air filters, he wore a mask whenever he left the room, and he tested daily until it was negative. Neither Adele nor I got it from him, and he recovered in about 8 days. That one friend infected most people in Jon's friend group.

Then Adele came home from sleep away camp with it. Near the end of her session, we were notified of an outbreak. We had her test the night she came home, but I forgot to check it promptly. I looked at it an hour later and saw the faintest line. She tested again in the morning and it was more clearly positive. This was particularly stressful because I was about to travel for work and we were just a week away from our big family trip. Thankfully, Adele had a fairly mild case and tested negative the day before our trip, and I managed to avoid covid again thanks to filters, masks, ventilation, and isolation. 

We're all up to date on boosters and got them very soon after they were approved. Adele was boosted about 6 weeks before she got covid, and again this fall. We all got our flu shots, too. I continue to wear a mask indoors in public settings. We have eaten in restaurants several times now, which I don't love, but they mostly haven't been crowded and have been fairly well ventilated (see below). Jon isn't wearing a mask much anymore. Adele is wearing a mask sometimes at school, though often comments that few or no other kids are. The whole class is supposed to mask for the next week when someone in the class gets covid, but apparently that has been a bit lax. She likes these small KN-95 masks so I just try to make sure she always has one available. 

I also bought myself a few things for assessing and mitigating risk, especially while flying:
- Travel air purifier. I loop a rubber band around the handle and hang it from the arm of the airplane seat to point more filtered air towards my face.
- FloMask: I got this for wearing on the plane because it has a tight face seal (as long as I don't have to talk). 
- Aranet4 Carbon Dioxide Meter: This lets me easily get a sense of how well ventilated a space is because poorly ventilated spaces accumulate high levels of CO2. Turns out some of the most poorly ventilated spaces I was in this year were cars recirculating air. Use that outdoor air setting. 

I had quite a few "close calls" for covid exposure, even beyond Jon and Adele. There were several times when I hung out with someone who tested positive the next day. However, in most cases, people were testing in advance (i.e. they had tested negative earlier in the day even though they were positive the next day) and usually we were doing lower-risk activities like being outdoors or inside with masks (or at least I was wearing a mask).

 Travel

After 0 flights in 2021, I ended up flying six times this year, and four of those were cross-country flights for work. By the fourth trip, the mask mandate was gone so I bought the FloMask and CO2 monitor to better protect myself. On that trip, I was seated next to an incredibly talkative unmasked woman who didn't pick up very well on my cues. I had my headphones in listening to an audiobook on negotiation with my eyes closed and I only occasionally opened them to take notes. She still wanted to talk to me. I said as little as I could. 

We drove quite a bit to visit family this year, and Jon & Adele did a train trip while I had a glorious long weekend alone.

Career

In February I wrote:

I think it's going to be an intense year.

And indeed, my work this year has been dominated by a Very Hard Thing. What distinguished the intensity from other intense periods of work in my life was the sheer amount of strategy and tactics it required. For several months, I spent hours each week in conversation with my boss/colleague about our next steps. It's a special kind of exhausting to contemplate existential decisions for months on end and then navigate political landmines for months more in pursuit of this Very Hard Thing—all behind the scenes while also keeping up with the day-to-day.

Most of the pieces of fallen into place, some from luck and some from very careful effort and hard work. But we've made some missteps and miscalculations along the way, too. I should have read those negotiation books sooner. Trying to move quickly on some things might have backfired and cost us more time in the end. And we should have tried to even more in parallel rather than in series. But we'll never know how things might have gone differently.

As ever, one of the most frustrating parts of my job is when my boss/colleague and I aren't on the same page. In this high-stakes process, there has been a lot of that. We have agreement about the destination, but sometimes very different ideas about the best path to get us there. At our worst, we exhaust and frustrate each other going around in circles. But at our best, our different approaches and strengths are complimentary and we're a dynamic duo. 

What feels great is knowing I am making huge, positive contributions in my work, for my team, and in pursuit of our life-affirming mission. I was central to two particularly pivotal efforts in pursuit of the Very Hard Thing. First, I extensively researched and documented some numbers to make the case for the Very Hard Thing (and uncovered some dirt along the way). Then, I was able to confidently and calmly field most of the questions in a high-stakes meeting that unblocked a months-long stalemate. On top of that, I introduced a new organizing model that I think can scale with us as the team grows.

Frankly, I am kicking ass at my job. I've been here almost 5 years now and the metaphorical trees I planted and nurtured are fucking fruiting. 

While working on the Very Hard Thing behind the scenes, we've also had some clear successes this year. We finally added two people to the team! Unfortunately, neither of them is doing the kind of work that takes a load off of me, but I'm confident we'll get there next year. I did manage to minimize my effort in some areas that have required a lot of time but aren't the most important right now compare to the Very Hard Thing. I said no a lot, but in (I hope) relationship-affirming ways. 

Since I'm still keeping track of my working hours, I can quantifiably say I've worked hard. I logged 2084 working hours this year, which works out to 41.7 hours/week for 50 weeks of the year. That's 77 more hours than last year. Thankfully, it's nothing like the hours I worked in grad school. I'm working hard, but I also think I'm smarter about it. The Very Hard Thing took up 20% of my work time this year. 

In the process of playing catch-up on one part of my job that I somewhat neglected for most of the year, I realized that I find some of that work quite addicting. It means I'm really motivated to do it well (and I'm doing a great job), but I do have to be mindful of how that kind of work impacts my overall mental health and stress level. A less addicting companion to that work is data analysis. I don't get to spend a lot of time doing data analysis, but I do really love getting immersed in it and visualizing data. My foundational R skills from grad school are still useful. I had no idea I'd be using them like this! I just have to be mindful to stop at "good enough." I'm not publishing any papers, just looking for insights that will allow us to do things differently. 

Shaping the World I Want To See

Aside from my career, what else have I done this year to shape the future I want to see instead of just eating popcorn at the horror film? I should probably do a better job of tracking these things and be more strategic about it, but here's a few:

- Brought leftover meals from school to a local mutual aid group ("food rescue")
- Donated to a pro-choice mother running for office
- Donated to medical expenses for an international student
- Purchased items for a mutual aid group responding to the urgent needs of recent immigrants
- Submitted a statement against proposed anti-trans school policies
- Submitted a statement in support of creating a new hiking trail in a neighborhood with few trails
- Donated to local environmental organizations doing restoration and environmental justice work
- Helped with tree planting at Adele's school
- Volunteered with a habitat restoration project
- Donated to our local food pantry and nonviolence organizations

2022 overall

I really can't complain about our lot in life. We are financially secure, working satisfying jobs, loving school, spending time with friends and family, and reasonably healthy. More so than a year ago, I'm excited about the year ahead and I look forward to writing about it soon. Tonight we'll ring in the New Year with just the three of us hanging out and playing games. We are so fortunate.

Happy New Year!

Looking ahead to 2021

Writing some expectations for 2021 feels both more difficult and more important than usual. I have some new categories that I couldn't have predicted a year ago. 

Covid-19

I don't think we'll get the vaccine until the second half of 2021 at the earliest. We're relatively young, without preexisting conditions, and have very low exposure risk. We are appropriately low on the vaccination list. Based on how slowly the vaccine rollout is starting, I'll be surprised if we get it before September. If we do, it will be thanks to effective organization of our local government.

Given our current circumstances, our risk of contracting the virus and developing covid-19 is low. Our low-risk points of possible exposure are carryout delivery, grocery or other store pickup, occasional (~1x/mo) and brief (<10 min) in-person grocery or other store trips, unlucky outdoor transmission from strangers while walking/hiking/running, outdoor transmission from friends while hiking and talking (masked) for up to 2 hours (up to 1x/mo), or extremely unlucky outdoor transmission from masked, distanced conversations with friends or family (~3x/mo, up to 30 min at a time). When it's nice enough outside to open all the windows for ventilation (for her protection and ours), I'll ask our housekeeper to return. She wears a mask and we close ourselves off in rooms that she doesn't enter. The Neighbors spend about an hour at a doctor's office once a month for a recurring treatment. Otherwise, their points of exposure are very similar to ours, with less carryout delivery and possibly more time in the grocery store. Right now I can't think of any other known exposure risks. If the kids return to school in person, that will unquestionably be the biggest exposure risk. If we can succeed in renovating the basement, workers in the basement would be another risk.

All things considered, I think it's unlikely for either us or The Neighbors to pick up the covid. But, if one of us gets it, probably all seven of us will get it. This is why we all take the bubble so seriously. 

I am definitely concerned about our parents staying safe. I really hope that they are all able to be vaccinated soon. It will be a relief once they've all had two doses.

School

I don't think Adele will return to school in her building until the next school year. However, there's a possibility that they'll start a hybrid schedule in the spring. I'm not optimistic though. Thankfully we've got our shared arrangement with The Neighbors. I do hope they can return in person in August/September. I'm not optimistic about summer camps being a viable option so we'll probably maintain the arrangement with The Neighbors for the next 8 months. 

Career

I hope that by the end of the year, I will have at least a couple of new colleagues because we've been able to grow the team. Hopefully, that would mean a bit of change in my scope of work that would leave me slightly less stressed. However, that involves convincing my boss that it's a good idea (his idea) to grow the team. I've been trying unsuccessfully for almost 3 years, so this might be a fool's errand. I also hope my salary will at least be restored to its pre-pandemic cut level. 

If I travel for work, I'd be surprised if it happens before September. 

Jon's work might have more changes this year because he found out on Dec 31 that his boss (whom he loves) is leaving. At this point it's too early to tell. I think he'll work from home for all of 2021.

Home

We want to renovate the basement. For real. We've been talking about it for years. I think we can do it this year. We probably also have to find a separate shop space for Jon's tools. 

I spent the first few days of 2021 organizing a lot of my stuff in our room. It was a mess. I don't think I had really tried to tackle it in a big way in over a year. I semi-organized a lot of papers into boxes that are still meant to be further organized (and more importantly, purged). So this isn't complete but rather a first step. But it's a big one that I feel good about. 

Volunteering

I normally travel 2x/year for my volunteer responsibility, but now it's all virtual through the end of my term. I am a little sad to end a 9 year commitment without seeing folks in person one last time, but mostly I will feel relieved to be finished. It's a very tough time for the organization and I will still be involved, but no longer in a leadership capacity. Because of changes over the last several years, I have the longest institutional memory in the group, and I also have copies of some documents that were otherwise lost. One of the boxes I need to go through is meeting documents from the last 9 years to decide what to share for the group's archival purposes. 

Regional travel

There are some neat parks within a couple hour's drive that we haven't visited recently or ever that I'd like to see in 2021. I also have a tiny glimmer of hope that we might be able to spend a few days with my good friend and her family at their family cabin this summer (we'd sleep separately in a tent and nearly all our time would be spent outdoors). We didn't do it last year, but I hope maybe we can this year. We went in 2018 and 2019 and it's magical. 

Family

I hope to see my parents again by the end of summer, hopefully after they are fully vaccinated. Adele would love to go fishing with Jon's dad, once we're comfortable that's a mutually safe activity. Hopefully we'll be able to host Thanksgiving this year for Jon's family! 

Friends

I hope by the end of the year we'll be able to have friends over again (not just The Neighbors). I won't be terribly surprised if we have another stretch of time where a friend lives with us again, though at this point we don't know. I plan to continue the monthly calls with college friends and grad school friends. 

The World

I hesitate to speculate much, but I want to hope that the new administration will be well on the path of undoing what damage can be undone in a year. It's going to be a tough few years ahead.

Monthly goals

I want to try these again after having some success with them last year.

January

Find a contractor for renovating our basement. We can't do much else until we do this.

February

Read about how other people organize memorabilia to come up with a sustainable system that I will start implementing.  

Other ideas for future months:

• Exercise every day (like last July)
• Get better at ping pong (might be easier once the basement is renovated)
• Stay on top of our finances on a weekly basis
• Read a book (there's so many on my shelf and new ones coming out that I need to make some progress, other than the family book club)
• Plan the big 2022 trip
• Unsubscribe from 30 email things

Hopefully I'll post again in March or April with an update on monthly goals. I write that only half- expecting it to materialize. We'll see!

Looking back on 2020

Well, this has been an unforgettable year.  I want to start with gratitude that we and all of our family members and close friends are alive and healthy. That is far from normal this year. We are lucky and privileged enough that we and most of our family and close friends have been able to isolate and/or protect ourselves. 

How did my expectations hold up? Let's see...

I don't think I'll have as much work travel this year as I did last year, and I'm ok with that. I probably already did my biggest trip of the year earlier this month.

More accurate than I could have possibly imagined! January was my only work trip. It was awesome though, and I'm glad it was scheduled early enough in the year that it happened! 

I think we'll do some fun family travel this year, but nothing all that long or expensive. We've got the beginnings of a plan for a big trip in 2021 that I'm excited about. This year we need to see some family and friends, and hopefully get Jon and Adele's passports in use somewhere. A couple of plans to combine work and family travel already fell through this year, so hopefully something will work out.

Not exactly. I went on a trip with Adele back to Big City in February, and in August she and I went to visit my parents for a couple of weeks after isolation and testing. No passport use for Jon & Adele. Jon had a fun trip planned in March with his best friend that was canceled. And that big trip in 2021 is seeming less likely, too (probably will be deferred to 2022 instead). 

As usual, because for some reason for the last decade April is my busiest month of the year, I expect April to be very, very hectic.

Honestly, I don't really remember April. There was so much chaos and uncertainty around everything. Almost everything that normally makes April stressful for me was canceled, which made the kind of stress I'd predicted diminish but it was replaced by the stress of grocery shopping, deciding if masks should be worn/what kind/how, and whether or not school might reopen. 

I hope to build some closer friendships this year.

Yes, but not at all how I'd expected! More on that below. 

I don't expect huge changes. As far as we can tell, we're all in very stable places (home, careers, school), so more happiness is a matter of maximizing our already wonderful circumstances to make more room for what's fulfilling and leave behind what isn't.

Baaahahhahahahahahahahaha! But I was thankfully right about the stability part in a big way. I feel like we climbed above the high water line of financial insecurity over the last few years which, combined with other privileges, has unquestionably protected us from the worst of the pandemic. 

Here's my expanded reflections on some key parts of life in 2020.

Household

An enormous part of our sanity in 2020 came from decisions we made in April/May/June to expand our household and form a bubble with another family. First let's talk about The Neighbors. This family moved 3 doors down around June 2019. Their daughter is a grade behind Adele at the same school (not a given in the charter school landscape) and their younger son started preschool there that year. We saw them around a bit, but didn't really start to get to know them until I invited them over one weekend in December, then they had us over in January of the Before Time. We had a handful of other interactions before March, and then after school went online did some neighborly distanced chatting outside while trying to keep the kids a safe distance apart in the Time Before Masking. 

As Adele continued with first grade online in April and May, no one in our house was very happy. Adele was lonely and online school was miserable for all of us. She hated being assigned worksheets. Jon and I talked about the idea of bubbling up with The Neighbors to be able to share childcare responsibilities. We cautiously emailed them with the idea in late April, and we spent the next month corresponding about it to gauge each other's level of exposure and precautions. We were very much on the same page: only essential trips inside other buildings, no play dates, all working from home. So in late May, we started our arrangement: all 3 kids spend 9-5 together M-F. Monday & Tuesday at our house, Thursday & Friday at their house, and we alternate Wednesdays. Whichever house hosts the kids on Wednesday also hosts dinner for everyone. The Neighbors have been the only people outside our household who we've spent time with indoors since mid-March (with one family exception explained below). We all take the bubble seriously and discuss if anyone is considering higher risk activities. 

On top of the arrangement with The Neighbors, we also added someone to our household. Jon's best friend (of the canceled March trip) moved in with us in June, after isolating and testing. That idea was also discussed for weeks before it became a reality. For a variety of reasons, the safest thing for him to do was move in with us for 6 months, and turns out it was also the funnest. He and Jon have so much fun together, and it was great to have another adult in the house to help with chores (dishes!). It was nice to have him around because it took pressure off of me to be fun. I know that might sound weird, but I'm kind of a workaholic married to a lesiureaholic. In the Before Times, we (mostly Jon) had friends over 2-4 nights per week to play board games. So having his best friend here filled some of the fun he normally would have had with our other good friends. He left shortly before Christmas, which was bittersweet. For the first time in months it was just the 3 of us in the house again which made things more spacious, but we were all sad for him to go.

Having 2 or 3 uninterrupted work days per week plus four (!) other adults to interact with in person and friends for Adele has made 2020 manageable. I know we are incredibly fortunate that these arrangements worked out. We're committed to the arrangement with The Neighbors indefinitely, at this point. And depending how the chips shake out for our friend, he might be back again sometime in 2021.

Family

We moved here, to Jon's Hometown, to be near his family. This year: so close, but so far away. We suspended weekly brunch with his brother in early March. We were just about to start weekly dinner with his mom. So, it's been a bummer not to be able to gather with them in person. For various reasons, none of them are in circumstances where it makes sense to add them to our bubble. We have had some outdoor conversations with them (with masks, at a distance). His family does have a weekly zoom gathering (which is much greater frequency than they all convened before) and more recently a weekly family book club. Jon's family has a rotation for hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year was supposed to be our year for Thanksgiving, but it's been deferred until next year (I hope!). 

We usually see my parents a few times a year (roughly spring/summer, fall, Thanksgiving, and Christmas). When cases were relatively low towards the end of summer, Adele and I went to stay with them for two weeks while The Neighbors went to visit family (outdoors, masked, at a distance). They isolated more than usual in advance, and we all got tested. Usually we have shorter but more frequent visits, but this time we spent a year's worth of time together all in one go. Adele had so much fun with them and was so sad to go. I really enjoyed exploring the parks around their house while we were there. We also got to see my closest cousin (outdoors, masked, at a distance) who lives nearby. The cynical part of me (anticipating a fall surge in cases) thought it might be the only time we saw them in 2020, but the optimistic part of me wanted to hope for the possibility of safely gathering again for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Sadly, the fall surge made it unsafe to gather again.

In terms of who in our families has been infected, as far as I know it's just one sister in law; my aunt, uncle, & cousin (one household); and my cousin's husband. Several of my cousins/uncles are working high risk jobs in hospitals/long-term care facilities and are getting vaccinated already. We're very thankful that all of our parents are being careful and have stayed healthy. 

Friends

Oddly enough, I'm feeling better than I have in a while about my friendships. Maybe part of it is lowered expectations for socializing, but I definitely have grown closer to some friends.

Thankfully, The Neighbors are awesome. We've gotten to know them quite well over the last 7 months as the only other adults we see in person for any length of time. We've all heard so much about each other's friends and family that we're looking forward to meeting them when such things are safe. Adele has a ball with their kids. Especially as an only child, I think it's been great for her to have other kids to play with on a daily basis. They've started calling each other "corona cousins". 

I also had a great time hanging out more than ever with Jon's best friend. I've always considered him a good friend too (we all met in college half a lifetime ago), but there was no question that he and Jon were two peas in a pod from the time they were freshman year college roommates. I'm thankful this year to have become closer to him too.

I started a monthly call with my college housemates which has been great for being more connected with some of them who I haven't seen in ages and don't regularly call. For a hot minute there was also the possibility of a different college friend moving in with us as she contemplated leaving her longtime partner. I wouldn't rule that out in the future.

We did surprisingly manage to see one of my best friends in person outdoors for a couple of hours while visiting my parents. Her in-laws live an hour away and they were visiting them. The visit was painfully bittersweet. Our girls are the same age and usually spend at least a few entire days each year with each other. We did a year's worth of in-person conversation in a few hours. It was so sweet for the kids to see each other, and it turned into a painful reminder of what we've missed this year because of the pandemic. It filled my heart to see them, but it crushed my heart to leave.

Home

Last year I wrote about feeling like the clutter around our house (particularly the clutter I create) is a manifestation of trying to do too much. Aside from the unsubscribe-fest I did in January, it hasn't really been much of a year for decluttering. Our bedroom has just accumulated more and more of my miscellaneous stuff and I'm working up the resolve and energy to tackle it. 

In February we replaced our 20 year old stove which was aggressively mediocre/slightly dysfunctional. Someday we'll properly renovate the kitchen, but thankfully we realized that we could (and long since should've) just replace the stove. Glad we got that one under the wire before covid really took hold.

For the past couple of years we've had the same woman come to clean once or twice a month. She came in early March and we fretted about the looming threat, then she didn't come again until late summer/fall when cases were relatively low and the doors and windows could be open while she cleaned and we stayed in rooms she didn't enter. I've kept paying her every 2-4 weeks whether she comes or not. 

Careers

I've spent the last 9 months working full time while caring for 1-3 kids ages 3-7 for at least one full day per week. In June, I started tracking my work hours (see below), so I know I'm still working 40+ hours per week. Tuesday is my day with the kids. When school is in session, I help make sure they all attend the appropriate video meeting at the right time. Pretty much every week I mess something up and someone misses something. But this is far, far better than the alternative of trying to help or entertain Adele ourselves every day, and less risky (and less expensive) than forming a learning pod with a tutor like some families have done. My heart goes out to all the parents who are still going at it with little support. We as a society should be able to do better in so many ways. 

My work remains fulfilling but often too expansive. I've done some great work and I've definitely let some people down. I've had some more conflicts with my boss, which remain confusing and disorienting. I have lots of vacation days saved up but I find it nearly impossible to actually use them because there's so much to do and our team is spread so thin. I have been unsuccessful in finding the path to grow our team so that I don't feel so threadbare. 

Jon and I both took pay cuts mid-year, but his was fairly soon restored, and then he got a large raise that more than offsets my cut. I don't think my salary will be restored until well into 2021. 

Hobbies

Jon has always enjoyed watching a lot of movies and tv shows, but this was probably a record viewing year for me given the relative lack of entertainment alternatives. Some of my favorites were Never Have I Ever (please binge watch it now) and The Queen's Gambit. We re-watched several older seasons of Survivor and Long Way Round. We're part way through Long Way Up now and I'm appreciating the vicarious adventure of it. 

I've written in the past about growing weary of a major volunteer commitment. The weariness continues. I've doubted my effectiveness as a leader and had some extremely frustrating experiences this year. It was a real roller coaster, and thankfully it was most recently at a good point, but yeesh. At one point I rage-read this book Strategic Doing because I was so frustrated that our attempts to be helpful kept getting blocked by unnecessary bureaucracy. I was thankful to be volunteering closely with someone else on the same page.  

The World

Remember November? Early November? Yikes, what a nail-biter of a time. I wrote letters to voters. I called people in swing states. I texted my friends to ask if they had a plan for voting. I gave a lot of my personal "entertainment" budget money to campaigns. And thank goodness we voted that monster out in a landslide (it turned out) and some of his supporters (though not nearly enough of them). It was a necessary (but not sufficient) step.

The self-inflicted devastation of the last four years has been agonizing to watch. Three years ago, I wrote

My immediate family is doing fine, but the world feels much less safe with the insanity of nuclear brinksmanship from two insecure leaders, no new gun control measures despite escalating casualties in mass shootings, and the mainstreaming of white supremacists. We continue to ignore the paths for action on climate change, despite suffering extensive damages from hurricanes, flooding, droughts, and fires exacerbated by our inaction. Measures making the dysfunctional health care system we have even worse and tax changes that will disproportionately benefit the incredibly wealthy and wreck the federal budget make me less optimistic for a thriving future of broadly shared prosperity in our country. I am sad for our country and the world.

These words are sadly still so timely. It's just missing the part about the devastatingly preventable pandemic and the aggressive and racist policing and systems that makes us all less safe. 

Monthly goals

January: wrote about unsubscribing from 31 things here

February: I came up with a process for managing my photos from both my phone and separate camera. I didn't completely deal with organization of past photos, but having a system in place for this year has really helped.

March, April, and May: Turns out the main goal was "don't get covid or lose your mind"

June: track my hours again. During grad school, I tracked my working hours and added them all up here. I wanted to do it again to get a sense for how much I was actually working. I told myself I'd do it for a month, but once I got in the habit I just kept doing it, so now I have 7 months of data. I just checked and I've worked 1238 hours over the last 31 weeks, or 39.9 hours per week. Considering that I took a pay cut, have "had" 10 days worth of holidays or vacation days during those 31 weeks, did at least 36 hours of volunteer work (more on that below), and spent at least one full day per week supervising 3 kids, I'd say that's plenty.

July: exercise every day. It's been ages since I had a regular exercise routine, so I decided July would be the month to do it. I did some kind of exercise each day, though sometimes it was pretty modest (i.e. going for a walk when I otherwise wouldn't have). Most days I was run/walking with a Couch to 5k app. When July was over I still ran occasionally but not as much. I'll probably try to do something like this again in 2021. A month is a manageable daily exercise commitment, and some of the habit persists. 

After this I think I stopped having monthly goals, so I'll call that a partial success with four out of twelve. Some of the ideas I had might be implemented in 2021.

I still love looking back on the year and reviewing my expectations, goals, and predictions. Especially in these strange and hectic times, I appreciate having a snapshot of my thoughts. I am cautiously optimistic about national and global improvements in the months ahead, though we have a long way to go. For my part, I will continue to do what I can to right this ship by protecting and supporting others.

Life in 2018

I wrote a record-low two posts in 2018 before this one. I still enjoy this medium for self-reflection, though I use it rarely now.

I mentioned just a few things that I expected for 2018:

Make monthly resolutions
I completely failed at this. I think I'll try again in 2019, but with a better plan. I hope!

Start my dream job
Yes! It's been more of a roller coaster than I expected, though. More on that below.

New job for Jon
Yes! He ended up changing jobs right after I did, and it's been a complete 180 for him. It's a great company and an incredible fit for his personality and skills. It's a great reminder that if your job sucks and you're depressed about it, there's probably someplace out there where you can shine. I'm so glad he's found that in his new job.

Big family trip
Yes! We had an awesome time traveling with several nieces and nephews for a week over the summer. They are wonderful people.

Big gardening plans
Yes! We put in a rain garden and a lot more native plants. I love puttering in the garden.

Many things about this year were predictable, but they certainly weren't boring. I worked really hard. Probably too hard (Jon would say definitely too hard). For the first half of the year, I was also working on a carryover project from my last job. Seeing that through was a lot of extra work, and it was a relief to have it finished. However, I was pretty crushed by my new boss's response to it. He thought it was so... unimportant. I've learned that it's very difficult when he and I don't see eye to eye, and I had a few particularly stressful incidents with him. I hadn't anticipated this kind of conflict, and there were definitely several times when I regretted leaving my other job when I did because of the stress with my new boss. I spent 4 years working mostly for and with badass women who gave me just enough guidance and independence to flourish. There's a different dynamic with my new job and I have struggled at times to understand how I best fit into the team. I feel it's on the upswing now, but I expect there will be other rough patches. I've contemplated getting a therapist or a coach or both.

I spent part of the year feeling somewhat socially isolated and feeling like I needed more quality social time with friends. We decided to throw a holiday party for the first time since leaving Big City and that was a big success. Although that itself wasn't a time when I got to have lots of the kinds of conversations I was craving, it was helpful for encouraging some new friendships.

My weight has crept up slowly for the last couple of years, and I know I've been less active this year. I need to eat a little less and be more active (the recipe for almost every weight loss plan ever). Sigh.

I didn't travel nearly as much for work in 2018 as I did in 2017 and 2016. I had just 3 work trips, and only one was international. We did a fair number of weekend driving trips to see friends or family, and that one big family trip.

I got a holiday card out this year for the first time since 2014. In years past part of my hang up was having "the photo" for the card. We've never had a professional family portrait, but sometimes Jon takes one that we pose for. I decided last holiday season that this year I should just pick some photos and get something done rather than getting hung up on "the photo". I had the cards made pretty early, but since last sending cards in 2014, it seemed half our list had moved, died, or added new family members, so updating it took quite a while and we didn't get cards out until Christmas Eve. Next year should be easier!

Adele gets more and more awesome. She's in kindergarten this year (Montessori) and her math skills are exploding. She's doing some simple mental addition and subtraction with ease. She's starting to read a little, learned to ride a pedal bike, loves to play and invent games, and tells people she's a scientist.

All in all we've had a good year and cannot possibly complain about our lot in life. The country and world... oof. I'm really hoping for some improvement (modest, realistically) on a number of fronts in 2019 with a change in congress, but I know we're just halfway to 2020 and how much more important that will be for political change in the US.

As usual, I'll post my expectations for 2019 and some goals in January.

Happy New Year!

Reflections on 2017

In January, I wrote my goals and expectations for the year. When I started grad school in 2007, I also wrote my career and life goals for 2017. Over the summer I wrote a post reflecting on a decade of blogging, but I'd like to take this opportunity to reflect on both sets of goals/expectations for this year. 

I'll start with what I wrote in 2007. In short, I described my career objective to become a professor a place like Small Friendly College, which would include teaching, research with undergrads, occasionally leading foreign study programs, and doing some kind of science outreach. I knew I needed good teaching experience, international experience, and to write my own grants to support my research. I got the grants and the international experience, but not so much teaching experience (in part because I was successful with fellowship applications). My decision to steer away from the liberal arts college professor path was motivated in part by wanting to be geographically narrow (to be near Jon's family eventually) and in part by realizing (mostly from conversations with SFC faculty) that I wasn't going to be terribly competitive for those jobs without a much stronger teaching and research record.

I've been able to play to the same interests articulated above and strengths I developed in grad school in unexpected ways and chart a very different path than the small-liberal-arts-college-professor way. There is a strong international component to my current work. My interest in outreach and an unconventional science communication opportunity helped my land my first real job as a PhD. It's really all of my side interests and ancillary skills from grad school that have gotten me to here, rather than my research itself. I suppose I expected the same to be true as a professor, so I've just applied it differently.

I'm most proud of my self-awareness in 2007:

At this point in time my ideal job is quite specific, and I’m not even sure it exists. However, the breadth of what I want to do to is great enough that I would be happy to pursue other careers that fulfill some, if not all, of my interests in other ways. I will remain open to other options that I can’t even imagine yet.

Not bad, huh?

I also wrote about wanting to start a family:

I do plan to start a family by 2017. I am not sure exactly how children will fit into the picture, nor can I realistically expect things to go as planned. But if I could choose, I’d like to have two children relatively close together to minimize the pre-school time period. When in my career I try to have children will depend on my research plans and post doc opportunities. Perhaps I will try to have kids between finishing field work and defending.

I did strategically aim to give birth between my dissertation defense and the end of my NSF Graduate Research Fellowship, which worked out pretty well, except for the part where I almost died and then had a pretty rough start to motherhood while trying to find a job. We've decided to only have one child instead of the two we'd originally intended, but I'm feeling ok with that. Given the state of the world, it doesn't seem like the right decision for us to choose to have another child.

For my goals defined at the beginning of this year I wrote:

This year is not about being wildly aspirational—it's about modest changes to try and protect us (in the immediate and broader sense) in uncertain times.

I did well on the goals and elaborated on several in a post earlier in the year.

Personal/Familial
Help Jon get a new, full-time job with benefits
DONE. He's not wild about the workplace culture, but it's ok. He's keeping an eye out for other opportunities.

Get Adele a passport and renew mine
DONE! 

Clear my inbox every month

Nope. I completely failed at this and my work email has now gotten a bit unwieldy too. I've practically given up on my personal email. I need to find a strategy that works for me, but in the short term I'm just procrastinating on it.

Celebrate my blogiversary (10 years!)

Kind of. I wrote a reflection on a decade of blogging, but I didn't get it printed like I considered. I didn't find a way to print it that was easy and satisfying enough. I'd still like to do that someday. Suggestions welcome!

Read four books

DONE! I read a book about my field of work which included many people I know personally, which was pretty cool. I also read How to Raise A Wild Child because I want to make sure that Adele is well-connected to nature.

Financial
Pay off our car
DONE!

Pay off all of Jon's course/credit card debt
DONE! 

Shorten the repayment term on my student loans
Nope. We have instead put more emphasis on saving for retirement. I'll re-evaluate the situation in 2018.

Activism
Carbon offsets
DONE. We've been paying a monthly fee based on our calculated carbon emissions from 2016. I am guessing 2017 would be comparable for us so I think we'll continue at the same rates for 2018.

Switch to electricity from renewable sources
DONE. 

Organizations we'll newly support with monthly contributions:
-Wikimedia 
-ProPublica 
-GiveDirectly
-Southern Poverty Law Center
DONE! 

In terms of broad expectations for the year, I wrote:

I am less optimistic about 2017 than I have been...maybe ever. I am deeply concerned about Trump becoming president tomorrow and I honestly expect the world and its people to be in worse shape at the end of 2017 than now. I expect my family (immediate and extended) to weather this year due to our position of privilege (employed, mostly urban, socially connected, highly educated, white), but even still I expect our lives to be diminished.

I am afraid I hit the nail on the head. My immediate family is doing fine, but the world feels much less safe with the insanity of nuclear brinksmanship from two insecure leaders, no new gun control measures despite escalating casualties in mass shootings, and the mainstreaming of white supremacists. We continue to ignore the paths for action on climate change, despite suffering extensive damages from hurricanes, flooding, droughts, and fires exacerbated by our inaction. Measures making the dysfunctional health care system we have even worse and tax changes that will disproportionately benefit the incredibly wealthy and wreck the federal budget make me less optimistic for a thriving future of broadly shared prosperity in our country. I am sad for our country and the world.

I expect some big changes again in 2018, particularly with my career. As usual, I'll share more in a separate post after the new year.

Farewell, 2017!

Looking back on 2016

Overall, 2016 was an exciting year for our family. The good outweighed the bad for us, but I know many people rightfully had very different experiences of 2016. Each year in January I like to set a few goals and in December I like to review the year so here's a look back.

Here were my goals and expectations for 2016:

Personal
Read at least 4 books
I read 3, one of which was Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. One was about a fruit (took me all year to finish—not exactly a riveting page turner but I wanted to finish it), and the other was an odd aforementioned field biologist memoir. As in 2015, I also read a lot of online news (print media to a lesser extent), but that doesn't offer the satisfaction of completing a book. I still have an ever-growing stack I want to read.

Make our backyard more playable.
Yes! We got it fenced and erected a makeshift play structure. Much improved!

Make peace with having one child.
Last year I wrote, "By the end of this year I'd like to confidently and happily say we're "one and done" if anyone asks." It took me most of the year, but I'm there. I might elaborate on this in a later post.

Career

Get another job offer.
I got four offers, including my first choice! It was hard to leave my great boss and interesting workplace, but this new position is a great opportunity for professional growth. It was also a raise!

Fix up my website
I hardly did anything beyond the bare minimum, and thankfully it wasn't necessary. But in 2017 I think it needs attention again in preparation for another career move.

Money

Get more life insurance
Didn't do this and didn't really investigate it. Probably should go on the list for 2017.

Move retirement investments & Jon's HSA to accounts with lower fees
We made progress on the Roth IRA investments but not the HSA. We moved all of my IRA out of  Pax World and into a lower-fee socially responsible index fund with some in another low-fee index fund.

Refinance or at least change the repayment term on my student loans
Due to other things that happened this year (see below), it didn't make sense to work aggressively on paying down my loans yet but I think we will be able to in 2017.

What else did I think would happen in 2016? 
-Adele is going to start preschool somewhere, hopefully at a Montessori school. 
Yes! She is at a wonderful Montessori school that we love, and it is mercifully costing us less than her daycare.

-Jon has been working on some long-term projects that will hopefully start earning more money this year. 
Yes! He's published now, but we're still waiting on the first royalty check and it's really more a labor of love than a money maker. Another project that took a lot of time and energy this year should be much smoother sailing next year and more profitable too.

-We're planning a fun trip this summer with my parents to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. 
We did this and it was wonderful. We explored a different part of the country and it worked well for the five of us to travel together.

-There's a chance I might get to travel somewhere exciting for work for a few days, which I would welcome.
Oh boy did I ever. I way underestimated this one. I went on TWO exciting trips before I left my old job and I've been on 3 trips to 3 different countries since I started in September. The recent travel has been a bit too much and I am looking forward to less travel in the immediate future, but I'm sure there will be at least 2 more work-related trips in the first half of 2017.

-If I do travel for more than a few days in a row this year, I think Adele will probably wean. 
Even with all of my traveling, she hasn't weaned. I'm fine with that.

-I don't foresee other big events or changes in 2016 right now, but I know that life can throw you a curve ball at any time. 
I knew there were decent odds that I might change jobs this past year, but when I wrote my goals we hadn't anticipated Jon make a big career change. We basically sent him back to school for a semester and took on debt to do it. Since we had excellent credit, we put the tuition on credit cards with 0% interest for 15-18 months. It was definitely a gamble, but the whole reason for sending him was so that he will be well-trained for jobs with much higher starting salaries. We put a couple of other big expenses on the 0% cards, including the aforementioned vacation with my parents. We unquestionably lived beyond our means this year, albeit in (mostly) calculated ways. 2017 should be the year of setting the balance straight (more on that in another post).

The last noteworthy thing to happen in 2016 was that my grandmother passed away on New Year's Eve. It was not unexpected and she had been mentally ready to go for a long time, but it is still a big change for my family, especially my parents.

I hope all of my readers are ready for a new chapter in your own lives in 2017. I am thinking about my goals and expectations and will post them soon. Cheers!

A new job and other changes on the horizon

I've signed a contract—I'm starting a new job in September! I haven't given notice yet officially so please don't say anything publicly if you know me in real life, but my boss and close colleagues know I'm leaving. I have mixed feelings about it for a variety of reasons, but I think it's the right thing for me to do at this point in my career. 

We're also very excited that Adele will begin Montessori school in the fall and even more excited that it's going to be less expensive than daycare! She's so ready. 

Jon's programming course wrapped up well and he's been applying for jobs. Really hoping he finds a good one! 

As expected, spring was hectic. We had a lot of help from my mother-in-law with daycare pickups and some overnight stays for Adele during the end of Jon's course and my crazy time at work. We went on a great vacation with my parents and then I traveled for work. My garden and houseplants need some attention! Thankfully, we don't have much planned for July and August and my work is settling down. I'm trying not to say yes to too many things.

I thought this would be a good time halfway through the year to check in on my goals for 2016. How am I doing? 

Personal
Read at least 4 books
I finished one back in January but nothing since then. I'm behind! Time to get reading.

Make our backyard more playable.
Done! We fenced it and immediately started spending more time out there. Definitely the right decision. Still plenty of yard projects to do, but we cleared the biggest hurdle.

Make peace with having one child.
I'm working on it.

Career

Get another job offer.
Yes! One I accepted! See above.

Fix up my website
No, I managed to get a new job with only minimal changes to my website. Still needs an overhaul!

Money

Get more life insurance
No progress on this front.

Move retirement investments & Jon's HSA to accounts with lower fees
No real progress on this one either, but I may spend some time on it this weekend.

Refinance or at least change the repayment term on my student loans
Jon's course really changed the calculus on this one. I wasn't expecting we'd take on a lot more debt this year. For the time being, it makes sense for us to continue making the same payments on my student loans until we pay off Jon's course. 

April showers bring…everything.

For the at least the fourth year in a row, April seems to be consistently eventful and/or hectic. Oh wait, you mean it's May already?!

Work is insanely busy right now. I tried to take Friday off and ended up taking only half of Friday off. I got more than 30 new emails on Friday afternoon. If I don't stay right on top of my emails, they very quickly pile up—and that's just work. My personal email is like a precarious stack of snail mail that I aspire to deal with but mostly just ignore. I've said yes to too many things, both personally and professionally. I want to do them, but I'm running short of hours in the day and having to do some ruthless prioritization. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I think about the dissertation home stretch and try to take some inspiration from that. Similar to then, I'm working towards a very specific goal and deadline. I can see the end in sight which is why I can justify pushing myself to do a ridiculous number of things.

I thought I'd do some work tonight, but instead I've just procrastinated. Maybe I needed a night to veg out with some tv, ice cream, Facebook bingeing, and blogging (OMG, this sounds like a sentence a childless person would write. The beauty of early bedtimes—when they work!). And now I even went back and read my posts from April of 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014. It's the month of getting fellowships, getting married, insanely time-consuming field work, defending my dissertation, crushing rejection, and at least one successful interview.

Work is good, just really busy. More changes were announced but nothing that directly affects my job. Still don't know what I'll do when work slows in July, but now I'm getting positive signs for the future of my project, so that's something good at least. I also may get another offer soon.

I'm really looking forward to a vacation in June. A real vacation where I don't answer any work emails and barely even check them. Imagine that!

Updates on job prospects and school

Lots has happened since I wrote about our exciting spring. It's living up to expectations!

On the job hunting front, both of my interviews went well enough that I have more coming up soon. I've realized that the timing is going to be a little frustrating because I think I will have to make a decision about another job offer before I really know in which direction my job is headed, but I think I just have to accept that reality. For now I'm trying to go with the flow and explore my options.

It turns out I might also have more options than I thought within my organization. I ended up in conversation today with a colleague who wants to create a new position and thinks I'd be perfect for it. Really, incredibly flattering and exciting. This whole conversation happened at someone else's going away party so it was very informal. I told her that I am considering outside positions and I'm going to talk with her more soon.

A couple of weeks ago I was approached by another colleague (I don't actually know them well at all; they're more like work acquaintances) who said she thought I'd be great for a vague position that some people have talked about creating to expand an existing project. I took that as an encouraging sign.

Jon's course is going very well and the program has a great history of placing its students when they finish. So far he hasn't needed to spend 60 hours/week on it which has been a relief. His mom has been frequently doing daycare pickup and helped on days without daycare. My mom is coming to stay with us next week to help out during an especially busy week for both of us. We're very thankful to have family help!

We have some progress on preschool options next year for our almost-3-year old, but no certainty yet (except several places where she will NOT go).

Between my job prospects, Jon's course, and Adele's preschool possibilities, there's plenty to weigh and resolve in the next 6-8 weeks.

Heading into an intense spring

Since I wrote my goals for 2016, we made a major decision. Jon is about to start an intensive programming course with the goal of being able to earn more money in his freelance work while continuing to work on his long-term projects. It's a serious financial investment on our part and it's going to be a huge demand on his time. They estimate that most people in the course spend ~60 hours/week on it. For twelve weeks. Working about 10 hours/week on top of that. I think this is going to be Jon's version of my dissertation home stretch. We're trying to be mentally prepared for it to suck for us and remind ourselves that it has an end. My mother-in-law is going to help out as much as she can with daycare pick ups to give us more flexibility at the end of the day. We can do this!

In other news, during the next 3 months we'll hopefully find out where Adele will go to preschool next year and I might get a job offer. I had two interviews recently and one was great. The other one… meh.  We'll see.

Goals for 2016

I'm a little late on this again but I really like setting goals for the year, even if I don't achieve all of them. Since I started doing this in 2008, I think I've gotten better at setting realistic goals and focusing on what's important. I've been thinking about these for a while now and revising the list (that's part of the reason for the delay). So without any more preamble, I present my resolutions for 2016!

Personal
Read at least 4 books
I feel like this is kind of a silly goal, but I'm not sure I completed a book at all in 2015. I do a lot of reading online (mostly newsie-ish pieces) but it's been too long since I've read a whole book. I've got a stack of them next to my bed, and I'd like to finish that stack by the end of the year. I'm already almost finished with an odd little memoir of an entomologist that I got for Christmas (have I written before about how field biologist memoirs are my favorite literary genre?).

Make our backyard more playable.
I want our yard to be a fun and inviting play place for Adele. The first crucial step is getting it fully fenced. I wanted to do that in 2015, but the estimate came in a bit higher than I thought. Once we get that done, I can start some landscaping projects to make it more friendly for wildlife, kids, and our dog.

Make peace with having one child.
I wanted two and always imagined two (and so did Jon), but having gone through a frightening birth and a difficult recovery, Jon is set on one and it probably makes much more sense for us for plenty of reasons (especially financially). And honestly the older Adele gets, the less excited I am about returning to pregnancy and baby stages, but it does still make me sad. As most of my friends now are having their second or third, of course I'm excited for them but this jealousy also creeps in and manifests in strange ways. I've been giving away or moving baby stuff to "deep storage" for the next family member and that helps. By the end of this year I'd like to confidently and happily say we're "one and done" if anyone asks.

Career

Get another job offer.
It still feels very possible that I'll lose my job this year. If not, I'm not sure if I'll want to leave it, but I at least need to put some effort into exploring other options. I learned that the crappy circumstances in my workplace were much worse than I realized for much of last year. All of the anxiety I had about not having support for my project was completely justified. I think there are some power struggles happening and I could be a casualty of that. My day-to-day work is fine (as it has been pretty much all along) but these undercurrents of mistrust and insecurity undermine our ability to be effective. I expect that something big will change for my career this year, one way or another.

Fix up my website
I haven't done much with it since I got this job, but if I want to explore other options, it would help to spruce it up. I think I need to move to a whole different platform so it's not just a matter of making some updates to text. It's time for serious changes that might be complicated so I've been putting it off.

Money

There are a few kind of mundane but important things I'd like to do this year for our finances. Honestly the only reason I'm boring the internet with these is so that I've written it down somewhere and will actually feel pressure to get it done.

Get more life insurance
Jon and I both got term life insurance around the time we got married in 2009. We haven't increased it or made any other changes since our daughter was born, but I think it's time to increase it since she would need to be supported too.

Move retirement investments & Jon's HSA to accounts with lower fees
We have our modest retirement savings is in Roth IRAs with Pax World because we don't want to invest in weapons manufacturing, but I think there are other socially responsible options that have lower expense ratios. There's plenty of other things I'd like to exclude (private prisons and fossil fuels being highest on the list) but I need to choose my battles (ha!) or we won't have any retirement savings because I'll be too paralyzed by all of the options. As for Jon's HSA, it's something we opened a few years ago and at the time it was damn near impossible to comparison shop HSAs to find one with low fees, so we're paying $2.50/mo (Elizabeth Warren should add HSAs to a long list of financial products that need greater consumer protections). (As an aside, I think HSAs are total BS with incentives in all of the wrong places and I'd much rather just have single-payer health care).

Refinance or at least change the repayment term on my student loans
Since my loans were in deferment for several years of graduate school, we're still paying off my Bachelor's degree. A few years ago my loans were sold to Sallie Mae (now Navient) and I hate them so much because they make it unnecessarily difficult for me to make extra payments that reduce the loan principal rather than just pushing back the payment date. I recently learned (through some effectively targeted Facebook ads) that I could refinance my student loans. I never even knew that was a possibility. Our car loan has a lower interest rate than my student loans, so I'm going to look into it. In the end, it might be better to just reduce the repayment term on my current loans to pay them off sooner (thus paying less in interest overall). We should be able to pay more towards my student loans now and we're only about a year from paying off the car.

All of these money things are just tedious because they involve some amount of research and form-filing and it's kind of complicated. So, I need to make time to do it. Maybe I could tackle one of these each quarter.

What else do I think will happen in 2016? 
Adele is going to start preschool somewhere, hopefully at a Montessori school. She's so ready; we wish she could start now but no programs start new students mid-year. Jon has been working on some long-term projects that will hopefully start earning more money this year. We're planning a fun trip this summer with my parents to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. There's a chance I might get to travel somewhere exciting for work for a few days, which I would welcome. After a few years of not wanting to travel much, I'm starting to get the itch again. I'm missing field work. I think it's highly unlikely I'll ever do as much as I did for my dissertation again, but I wouldn't mind leading a short course/trip in the next few years. If I do travel for more than a few days in a row this year, I think Adele will probably wean. I decided 2 years ago that if we were only going to have one child, then she can breastfeed as long as she wants. I'm still in no hurry to wean but I know I don't make much milk anymore. I don't foresee other big events or changes in 2016 right now, but I know that life can throw you a curve ball at any time. I am thankful every day for our health and safety.

May you all try to make our world a better place, however you can! Cheers to 2016!