Monday, February 23, 2009

today

Today has been hard; I don't know why today. I'm at BNHM trying to finish revising my proposal for my committee. I made good progress at first but I haven't been able to concentrate for the past hour and a half. I wandered around the museum for an hour, trying to find refuge in the quiet exhibit halls.

Last night I dreamt that my sister hadn't really died, only part of her. Half of her. We were watching her in a dance recital, so surely she couldn't be all dead. The other body must've died, not this one. She really would be at my wedding. Then in my dream I realized it couldn't be true, because she had only one body, and I saw her body in the casket and cried over it.

Last week I dreamt that everyone in my family showed up for our wedding at the funeral home instead of the meeting house, including myself. I also dreamt that my uncle died of appendicitis.

The next night I dreamt about plants at my grandmothers funeral. Someone was pulling them out of the pots and I was upset with him. I wanted to take some home but he was taking all of them.

I hope writing this helps me get this off of my mind long enough to finish revising this proposal. 2 weeks until prelims.

1 comment:

Angie said...

Night is hardest for me also. In a meditation book I saw this traditional Boran (African) prayer: "O God, you have let me pass the day in peace; let me pass the night in peace, O Lord who has no lord. There is no strength but in you. You alone have no obligation. Under your hand I pass the night. You are my Mother and my Father."