Wednesday, March 4, 2009

trying not to freak out

Today was exactly one month since my sister died. It was even the same day of the week, so I spent most of the morning doing the same type of stuff I was doing one month ago and trying not to freak out. If I didn't have my prelims on Monday, I don't think I would've done any work this morning. I don't really feel like I have time to mourn until after prelims because it's so
exhausting to cry. School is a distraction but I'm having a hard time keeping my sister from distracting me sometimes.

I'm still trying to finish reading everything that committee members assigned, prepare my presentation, and prepare for some of the questions I know I'll be asked. I'm letting most of the self-assigned papers for prelims fall to the wayside. There are still several things that I'm unsure how to answer and would like to be able to know more about before Monday. Trying not to freak out.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment to talk about my own risk for blood clots, and then an appointment with a counselor. At first I didn't think I'd need a counselor, but Jon convinced me on Sunday night when I was really upset. I hope I can still get some work done tomorrow.

It looks like we're finally sending out wedding invitations this weekend. Just like the day my sister died, I spent part of this morning exchanging emails about invitations. I just want these to be done and out. I'm so overwhelmed by having to decide all of these stupid little wedding details. If I'd known it was going to take us this long to figure out the invitations I would've just picked something or done it myself 5 weeks ago. Seven weeks until our wedding. Trying not to freak out.

We have several people spending the night on Friday and we need to clean, not just tidy, the apartment before then, especially since some people will be sleeping on the floor. We haven't mopped since we cleaned the sticky spots on the floor after our party before Christmas. My desk is covered in things from my grandma and my sister that I have to go through or at the very least clear off of my desk before guests come. Trying not to freak out.

One thing I have been doing well is making time to work out. I've been swimming 2-3 times per week, going to 1 group fitness class, and doing treadmill/bike/elliptical about twice a week. I discovered that I can read papers while on the stationary bike so that makes it easier for me to make time, plus I've been swimming after biking/running to make the best use of my time at the gym.

Four whole days before prelims. Still trying not to freak out.


Transient Theorist said...


Let me know if there's anything I can do to help! I'm finally done with all of my traveling, so I'll be around a lot if you need anyone to talk to (and everything is fair game, up to and including science!). Just a phone call away.



sarahkli said...

oh, dear friend....i am sending you all my love and support. i continue to be amazed by how well you're coping with everything. take care, love sarah k.

Anonymous said...

smoking, oral birth control, same position for long time (like airplane ride) Are the usual risks for a blood clot. Crushing injury (think car accident) and cancer increase your risk of a blood clot too.

Some people are also more predisposed then others to them

EcoGeoFemme said...

Hang in there! And good for you for working out.

You can so totally do the prelims. You are more than capable.

The wedding stuff will get done eventually. Probably everyone you will invite knows how your year has been, so they will understand if the invitations come late. And you can probably tap some friends to help with some things.

It sounds like a good idea to see a counselor. You've had so much to handle the last few months. Anyone would need at least a little help.

Albatross said...

Good luck with prelims and dealing with everything else. It sounds like you are taking care of yourself, which is most important. Sending you good thoughts...