Thursday, February 4, 2010

A year ago

My sister died a year ago today. I spent the day writing to her, talking with family, watching old home movies, and reflecting. A year ago from right now there was nothing that I could have done to prevent her death. A year has passed. She has passed. I am not past the guilt, regret, and pain. Will it come to pass?


Rachel said...

I'm sorry you have had to deal with such a difficult loss. It's hard for anyone to lose a family member. My father died when I was 13. It's cliche to say that time heals all wounds. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. I think it depends on the strength of your relationship with the deceased and the manner of their passing.

All I can say is that it took me 7 or 8 years to be able to talk with others about my father's death. I think about him every day. Years on, I occasionally still feel guilt, remorse, disappointment, sorrow, cheated. They are typical, understandable, and they're likely things that I'll never completely stop feeling.

However, I can say that things have gotten easier with time. I've found myself better able to think about the positive aspects, to talk with others about what happened, to remember him without feeling sad.

Everyone's experience is so personal, it's hard for someone to give advice/comfort without it sounding trite, or insincere. Those who have dealt with death have done so differently than you, those that haven't don't understand.

For me, things have gotten easier with time. Keep talking with your husband, your counselor, your family, and above all else, don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. It's an irrevocable experience that you'll always carry with you. It may seem depressing, but there's no way around it.

I hope that helps... somewhat.

m.e. said...