Looking back on 2023

 I felt like I was running all the way until the last few hours of 2023. I was trying to cram in more work and more of my unbloggable hobby right up until the end with a lot of family gatherings and events in there too. As a result, I didn't write my reflection before the end of the year, like I try to.

2023 was a heck of a year. As predicted, it was a big one for my career. The Very Hard Thing is finished, my title changed to better reflect my role, I got a raise, and I am so proud of what I accomplished. I'm still kicking ass in my job and loving it, but I worked a lot. 

I probably worked too much.

In my time tracking of work, I recorded 2240 hours, but that's missing a couple of intense weeks of travel, so I estimate I need to add another ~100 hours. That averages out to nearly 47 hours/week across 50 weeks of the year. I swear I took some vacations and days off, but rarely did I have more than 2 days in a row where I didn't log any work hours, and I clearly compensated by working more on other days. 

That's not a healthy amount of work, and this year I really felt it in my body. The most stressful months for me were May, June, and July. I woke up almost every morning (and sometimes during the night) and my first thoughts filled me with anxious adrenaline. I wasn't sleeping well, and I could feel that my blood pressure was elevated. I regularly felt pain in my chest. I could feel the accumulated, chronic stress in my body from the Very Hard Thing and other challenges.

Around Memorial Day, Jon said to me, "You're still reacting to everything like it's existential, even if it's just annoying," and I immediately knew he was right. The most stressful threats had passed, but my body was stuck in fight or flight mode. I needed to do something.

I went to see my doctor about my blood pressure. She reassured me that I wasn't physically damaged and recommended I start seeing a counselor about my stress. It took a while to find someone, but in the meantime I started getting regular massages. During the peak stress times, I was going once a week for 90 minutes. I found it incredibly helpful for relaxing my body and am continuing to go every few weeks.

I've also been seeing a therapist nearly every week for the last 6 months. She has given me some techniques for lowering my stress level, and it has been useful to have dedicated time to talk through my struggles. I've made progress, but it's not linear. 

I haven't exercised much, but I have done a better job getting outside every day, especially for the last few months. 

Travel

I traveled quite a bit this year for both work and fun. We did a fun family trip for spring break, and then Adele and I went to the beach for a few days in the summer. I also did a solo retreat weekend again like I did in 2022. We traveled to see my extended family over Labor Day and again after Christmas. 

Family 

Adele picked up two new hobbies this year and I've enjoyed watching her learn and grow. We kept a regularly scheduled family game night along with some regular game nights with friends. I'm in a weekly book club with some of Jon's family (we read a few chapters at a time) which has been another great source of perspective on life and lively discussion. My favorite book we read this year was The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama. It reminded me that even the greatest among us are only human, and we need to choose how we spend and restore our energy. 

I am thankful that our family is overall pretty healthy. We all avoided covid this year but Jon did get quite sick in November and still isn't 100%. My continued attempts to avoid illness set me apart sometimes (e.g. I still mask in crowded public places) and have been a source of conflict for me and Jon. For most of the year I've been using Covixyl or Xlear nasal sprays as another layer of protection, and thankfully I've only had one brief cold. I honestly didn't feel like I could afford to get sick because it would put me so behind at work.

All in all, I'm glad to have 2023 behind me, and looking forward to the opportunity for a reset in 2024.