Reflecting on 2024

I'm usually very good at remembering trips as milestones throughout the year. This year, I'm either getting old or I exceeded some threshold, because it's all a bit of a blur. Between all the personal trips and work trips, I lost track. At peak of work travel insanity, I got on 13 different planes in less than 4 weeks. 

We started the year with two weddings on the calendar and ended up with four weddings and a funeral. 

Thankfully, I am ending this year less burnt out than the last one. I started the year so desperately needing a vacation, and thankfully I was able to take one. It was a great chance to reflect on what "enough" meant, and lean into the idea of working less.

That lasted for about... 3 weeks. Ha!

I did at times regain a sense of healthy balance, but I had a few really intense months where I took on a lot of extra responsibility at work, mainly related to hiring. I could feel the stress in my body again, and I know that is unhealthy. The good news is that some new additions to the team have really helped lighten my load.

Personally, Jon and I also started working with a financial advisor this year, which has been great at lifting some of my domestic mental load.

I've started to wonder if there are some physiological reasons and not just psychological ones behind waking up early in the morning with my heart racing. I first noticed it in 2023 at the height of my work stress, but it has continued sometimes this year. Wondering if it might be related to blood sugar and cortisol, I cut way back on sweet things for several weeks and started measuring my blood sugar with a simple monitor. With so many variables, I haven't found any clear patterns yet on what might cause my early morning insomnia, but I plan to continue collecting data. 

In many ways, this was a year without big changes to the fundamentals. Same jobs, same house, same school, same friends, same pet. This time a year ago, I wasn't sure our dog would still be with us. Thankfully, she is! Less mobile, but still happy.

Adele continues to grow into a delightful person, and she still thinks we're cool and wants to hang out with us. She has some wonderful friends and a growing sense of independence and responsibility.

The best new thing this year was taking up a new hobby—or rather, picking up a very old one. During a time of high work stress, I started dancing again. It's been over a decade since I danced with any regularity. I love it, and it's one of the times I have tried to protect and look forward to even during hectic weeks.

I was excited about Kamala & Walz and of course upset by the results of the election. I didn't get involved as early as I'd hoped, but I did volunteer for the campaign close to the election. I forced myself to go to sleep that night without looking at the news. When I woke up, I saw we were in The Bad Place. I am trying to preserve my sanity by tuning some things out without completely disengaging. I want to be intentional about what gets my attention and energy so that I can stay focused and effective on the causes I care about most and am best positioned to impact.

As (almost) always, I look forward to sharing my thoughts tomorrow about what's in store for 2025. So long, 2024!

Looking forward to 2024

I want this to be a less-is-more kind of year, like a life edit. I want to work less. I want to commit to less. I want to have less stuff.

In that vein, today I'm ending a hobby streak that I've cultivated over the last few years. I'm releasing myself from that commitment to make room for something else. 

I also stepped back my involvement in a volunteer role I've had for several years. I know it's the right decision for me this year.

In no particular order, here are some things I'm looking forward to:

• Total solar eclipse on April 8. We saw the one in 2017 and it was spectacular. 
• Family trips this spring & summer
• Two weddings
• Hiking every month with Adele (for real this time—it's scheduled)
• A solo trip or two
• Weekly family meetings (we're starting these this year)
• Hiring new people to distribute some of my responsibilities at work

There are a couple of dark clouds looming for this year. I fear it may be the last for our darling 13 year old dog. She suddenly aged a lot in the last year, and we found out she has degenerative myelopathy, which is untreatable. She still seems happy and she's getting around (slowly), but I know it will get harder for her. 

The other looming cloud is the presidential election. I will feel better from taking some concrete actions with other people, like sending postcards to voters or something like that. I'm not sure yet what form that action will take.

I feel like I spend a fair amount of time inside my own head, even when I'm spending time with friends or family. I hope this year to do a better job of being present in the moment, instead of distracted by what's going on in my mind. 

Let's see what 2024 has in store.

Happy New Year!

Looking back on 2023

 I felt like I was running all the way until the last few hours of 2023. I was trying to cram in more work and more of my unbloggable hobby right up until the end with a lot of family gatherings and events in there too. As a result, I didn't write my reflection before the end of the year, like I try to.

2023 was a heck of a year. As predicted, it was a big one for my career. The Very Hard Thing is finished, my title changed to better reflect my role, I got a raise, and I am so proud of what I accomplished. I'm still kicking ass in my job and loving it, but I worked a lot. 

I probably worked too much.

In my time tracking of work, I recorded 2240 hours, but that's missing a couple of intense weeks of travel, so I estimate I need to add another ~100 hours. That averages out to nearly 47 hours/week across 50 weeks of the year. I swear I took some vacations and days off, but rarely did I have more than 2 days in a row where I didn't log any work hours, and I clearly compensated by working more on other days. 

That's not a healthy amount of work, and this year I really felt it in my body. The most stressful months for me were May, June, and July. I woke up almost every morning (and sometimes during the night) and my first thoughts filled me with anxious adrenaline. I wasn't sleeping well, and I could feel that my blood pressure was elevated. I regularly felt pain in my chest. I could feel the accumulated, chronic stress in my body from the Very Hard Thing and other challenges.

Around Memorial Day, Jon said to me, "You're still reacting to everything like it's existential, even if it's just annoying," and I immediately knew he was right. The most stressful threats had passed, but my body was stuck in fight or flight mode. I needed to do something.

I went to see my doctor about my blood pressure. She reassured me that I wasn't physically damaged and recommended I start seeing a counselor about my stress. It took a while to find someone, but in the meantime I started getting regular massages. During the peak stress times, I was going once a week for 90 minutes. I found it incredibly helpful for relaxing my body and am continuing to go every few weeks.

I've also been seeing a therapist nearly every week for the last 6 months. She has given me some techniques for lowering my stress level, and it has been useful to have dedicated time to talk through my struggles. I've made progress, but it's not linear. 

I haven't exercised much, but I have done a better job getting outside every day, especially for the last few months. 

Travel

I traveled quite a bit this year for both work and fun. We did a fun family trip for spring break, and then Adele and I went to the beach for a few days in the summer. I also did a solo retreat weekend again like I did in 2022. We traveled to see my extended family over Labor Day and again after Christmas. 

Family 

Adele picked up two new hobbies this year and I've enjoyed watching her learn and grow. We kept a regularly scheduled family game night along with some regular game nights with friends. I'm in a weekly book club with some of Jon's family (we read a few chapters at a time) which has been another great source of perspective on life and lively discussion. My favorite book we read this year was The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama. It reminded me that even the greatest among us are only human, and we need to choose how we spend and restore our energy. 

I am thankful that our family is overall pretty healthy. We all avoided covid this year but Jon did get quite sick in November and still isn't 100%. My continued attempts to avoid illness set me apart sometimes (e.g. I still mask in crowded public places) and have been a source of conflict for me and Jon. For most of the year I've been using Covixyl or Xlear nasal sprays as another layer of protection, and thankfully I've only had one brief cold. I honestly didn't feel like I could afford to get sick because it would put me so behind at work.

All in all, I'm glad to have 2023 behind me, and looking forward to the opportunity for a reset in 2024.