It is finished.

 After 18 months, the Very Hard Thing is finally finished.

I cried.

I've literally spent 1000 hours of my life in the last year and a half working towards this outcome. So many strategy meetings, books on negotiation, hours of lost sleep, and new gray hairs. I've started therapy because of the stress and anxiety. 

Looking back with hindsight, perhaps we could have avoided some quagmires. But in many ways, what we did was inherently difficult, and as hard as it was, so much had to fall into place to make it possible at all. So many people helped us, and I am immensely grateful.

I am relieved to close this chapter, but a little sad that we can't ever really talk about it, not in any deep way. It's this thing that has been both agonizing and fascinating as a high-stakes negotiation. But it's also hard to grasp from the outside why this would be so difficult (and in our perfect world, it wouldn't be!). 

So we'll move forward focused on the outcome, without ever telling the story of the process, because that's the way it has to be. Time to celebrate and move on, so now I can turn the 1/3 of my brain and time that has been occupied by this to other things. 

Cheers to finishing a Very Hard Thing! 

Looking ahead to 2023

I am excited about 2023. I have big expectations and goals for my career this year, and feeling some energy to tackle a few personal things too.

The number one thing that I anticipate for 2023 is some changes for my career. In short, it's time to reshape by role. One of the highest priorities for early this year is to clearly identify what I want, and then ask for it. It's exciting but also scary. I don't see many models for the path I'm on, so I feel like I need to talk to more people about the realm of possibilities for more ideas. But if I'm honest with myself, the part that I'm most anxious about is compensation—how to even decide what's fair and equitable. Once I have clarity for myself, I am less worried about making the ask. I would like to find peace this year with my compensation.

Monthly goals
I want to try this again. I'm not going to schedule them yet and I'm not going to commit to doing all of them, but I'm putting a list of ideas I had here so that I will hopefully do some of them.

- Weeding every day. Maybe this will help me feel better about the yard this year.
- Exercise every day.
- Unsubscribe from 30+ things.

- Buy nothing
- Healthcare/selfcare month where I prioritize some non-urgent things I've been putting off.

- Financial planning month where I prioritize more things I've been putting off.

And a different kind of monthly goals:

- One big hike per month with Adele
- One clear action each month towards the world I want to see.

Other goals
There are some things that I'd like to do this year, and mostly I want to write them down so I don't forget.

- Unbloggable hobby goals. Hope I remember what this means.

- Print this blog. I'd like to have it in actual book form since it has captured so much of my life since 2007 (!)
- Go on a solo weekend retreat. I did this last summer and had a great time.

- Keep trying to avoid covid. Maybe I can get the Novovax booster. 

What else this year?

I am less motivated to reflect on many of the other categories that I usually do, in part because I have goals above for some of them, but mostly because the Very Hard Thing for work is taking up quite a bit of headspace for me. We haven't planned any big trips (and hardly any small ones), but I think some opportunities may arise. Two of my cousins are getting married. We might be able to tack a vacation onto a work trip (or maybe even two?!). But the timing of the Very Hard Thing adds a lot of uncertainty to planning. 

With so much focus on my career this year, I need to be mindful not to let it dominate spaces it shouldn't. I am so lucky to love what I do, but I am more than my career. 

Cheers to anyone who actually reads this. May 2023 bring you more of what fills you up!